Freak Out
Me and you we're not that pretty
Me and you could use a lift
I'm out here on the corner crying
I got ribbons but I got no gift
Me and you we're all we've got
Me and you could be our curse
We've got bleeding hearts and flowers
You got strings but you got no purse
(Chorus) We're just freaks in love Saints above
Shine on our sweet life
Happy is the union
Of fools and freaks alike
And fearless are the idiots
Among the hawks and doves
We're on the outside looking in
A couple of freaks in love --Elton John
"Man, I'm full," Zach said, leaning back as far as the Quiznos booth would allow him and stroked his stomach.
"I've had enough," Ben said, jutting his makeshift plate away from him. "What errands do you have to run today?"
"Not much. A few groceries, gag," Zach said, poking his finger down his throat. "It's only a few things but I hate the grocery store."
"Me, too. It's more the fact I have to put it all away after I get home than anything."
"Yeah, I hear you," Zach said, draining the last bit of soda from his paper cup. "I'm getting a refill, then I'm ready. You?"
"Yeah, I'm done."
Ben tossed their paper products into the bin and waited for Zach to return from the soda fountain.
Zach slipped into the driver's seat and deposited his cup in the holder between the seats. "Blockbuster then the grocery store. Movie night," he said with a grin, shoving his sunglasses northward along the bridge of his nose. "I love movie night."
"Junk food and movie of the week?"
"Yep," Zach said as he moved the transmission into drive. "We're having potato skins and meatballs for the main course then some crackers and cheese, chips and dip."
"A Rolaid or two," Ben teased.
"Yeah."
"How often do you do movie and junk food night?"
"About once a month. It's our Friday stay-at-home deal. You should try it. We put our old sweat pants on, a big t-shirt, you know, clothes with room. Junk food and beer. Necking afterward…"
"Sounds like fun."
"It is. I'd invite you, but…"
Ben laughed figuring a three way - or four if Vic were invited, too - sounded like the stuff gay porn was made of.
"No, thanks," Ben said. "If we do it at all, we'll do our own movie and junk food night."
"You should try it. We love it. Cooking junk food is somehow different from cooking real food. It's not like work at all. A good way to wind down from the week."
"You're picking the movie?" Ben asked as they pulled into the local Blockbuster.
"Yeah. I usually try to find something we'd both like. Scary usually works." Zach popped his sunglasses on top of his head and whistled to himself as he perused the new releases section.
Ben trailed his friend, halfway looking at the available movies with Zach. He picked up The Wedding Crashers and read the back of the box.
"That's supposed to be good," Zach said, tapping the box in Ben's hands.
Ben grinned at the description he was reading and nodded. He tucked it under his arm deciding it would be worth $4 to provide a little entertainment for Vic and him.
"Sounds like it. There's another one if you want one, too."
"Nah, not in the mood for funny. I want scary," Zach said with a lift of his brows and a grin.
"Oooooh," Zach said, reaching toward the shelf. He held up a movie and rocked it back and forth in his hand at Benji. "The Exorcism of Emily Rose. That's what I'm talking about."
"Jeez," Ben said, pushing Zach's hand away. "You always like that creepy stuff. I don't want any parts of it."
"You don't know what's good, my friend."
Ben swung his movie in Zach's face and said, "Wedding Crashers. That's what's good."
"To each his own," Zach said dismissing his friend. "Wonder if I should look for one more?"
"Doesn't hurt to look," Ben said. "I'm surprised I found something at all. We're in here so much it seems like we've seen everything."
"Yeah, we are, too."
Ben looked toward the front of the store and said, "Great. Mr. Personality is working today."
"Shit, I thought they had school today," Zach joked. "He has to be at least, what? Twelve?"
"He saw me and Vic in an aisle we thought was empty one time. We barely brushed hands but he came around the corner and saw it. He looks at us funny ever since then."
Zach shook his head. "Fucking homophobe. Nelson and I don't touch in public if anyone can see because of crap like that."
They walked around the store at least three times before deciding they had all they wanted in the original two movies they had picked out. They went directly up to the counter and Zach placed his movie on the shelf.
"Oh, hang on. I thought of one we've been wanting to see," Zach said as he darted away from the counter leaving Ben alone with the employee.
"This going to be all for you or is this together?" the youth at the register asked flatly.
"I'm waiting for my friend," Ben said as he turned away. A snort from the cashier made him look back.
"Is that your new 'friend'?"
Ben tried to ignore the comment and anxiously waited for Zach to return while he pretended to be interested in the candy display.
"Ok, I'm ready," Zach said, rushing back to the counter.
"Fucking queers," the employee said under his breath, his voice dripping venom.
Ben felt his face redden with temper and humiliation, the combination tying his tongue into a knot of immobility. Zach's was working just fine for both of them.
"What did you say?" Zach asked. Ben stood frozen in place by the escalating altercation, part of him wanting to put his fist through the guy's face and the other part wanting to curl into a ball and disappear.
"I said, 'fucking queers'."
"That's *real* original," Zach said sarcastically. "I've never heard that one before, have you, Ben?"
Ben stared at Zach, his mouth dry and soundless with the rush of adrenalin.
Zach said, "Try adding a little creativity with your hatred you dumb fuck."
"I'm just stating the truth. It'll be $10.38," he said.
"No, it will be ZERO," Zach snapped loudly, flicking a movie box at the kid's chest like a frisbee. It hit Zach's target then fell with a thunk onto the floor. "I wouldn't spend another red cent here after what you said."
"Let's just go, Zach," Ben said. He pushed at Zach who, despite his slightly smaller frame, didn't budge an inch. The uncomfortable situation was overwhelming and Ben yearned for the privacy of his own home where he could curl up and die.
"Freaks," the guy said as he turned away.
"Shut up, Tyler," warned another cashier drawn by the raised voices.
"Maybe so," Zach retorted, "but at least we have partners, which judging from your winning looks," he said with a slow surveillance of Tyler's entity from head to toe, "will be *quite* the accomplishment for *you*, gay or straight."
Ben cringed as Zach's sharp tongue rolled on, afraid of what he might say next.
"Excuse me, what's the problem?" the manager asked, appearing quickly from one of the onearby aisles.
"Your Employee of the Month just called us a couple of fucking queers and freaks," Zach said, "and I was just explaining to him I wouldn't rent from here anymore if you were the last place on earth with movies."
The manager asked the flushing youth, "Did you say that?"
The tinge to the young man's cheeks gave him away. The manager sighed and turned to Ben and Zach, "I'm so sorry about this. I can assure you it will be dealt with."
Zach folded his arms over his chest and said, "Doesn't mean we'll ever rent from here again. Hollywood Video is just as close to home."
"I sincerely understand. This sort of thing should have never happened," he stated, with a look directed at his young apprentice. "Especially with valued customers like yourselves. We don't want to lose your business."
"'We'?" Zach asked sarcastically. "I don't think Junior over there would mind. Would you, Junior?"
"Again, I do apologize for what happened. These rentals are on the house. And I'll give you both a gift card for 5 more free rentals."
"I'll take free rentals, but I'm not spending money here again," Zach said, glaring at Tyler. "Not as long as he works here."
"This won't go unnoticed, I can assure you." Brusquely moving the young man out of his way, the manager poised himself at the cash register and rang up Zach's rental.
He reached for Ben's and Ben said, "No, I don't want it."
"It's free," Zach whispered through clenched teeth. "Take it."
"I said I don't want it," Ben said. All he wanted at the moment was to get far away from the situation and that place. A rental, free or not, meant he'd have to come back to return it, and that just wasn't going to happen. It felt as if his rib cage had become elongated bony fingers, tightening their grip around his lungs, making it difficult to breathe. Out, he wanted out.
"Ring it up for me, then," Zach told the manager, in no hurry whatsoever. Zach leaned on the tall counter, propping himself up with his elbows while he glared at the young castigated cashier.
He seemed to be enjoying sharing airspace with the name-calling idiot, probably because Tyler was equally as uncomfortable as Ben judging by his red face, which glowed from cheeks to ears. Ben knew Zach well enough to know he could smell defeat on his enemy, and that he would go for the jugular any way he could. If that meant staying when his opponent wanted him to leave, then by God, he would stay as long as he could.
Ben, however, felt nothing at all like that.
"I don't want it!" Ben said sharply to his friend.
"Well, *I* do," Zach said. He glared daggers at Tyler during the entire process while Ben tried to keep from darting toward the door.
"No charge," the manager repeated as he completed the transaction. "The new releases need to be back in two days. Stir of Echoes isn't due back for seven."
"Thanks," Zach said.
"Again, my apologies. Please come back to visit."
"We'll see," Zach said flippantly as he picked up his bag on the way out.
Ben was nearly pushing Zach to the door and almost melted in a puddle when Zach backed out of the store, using his butt to push the door open so he could get a final look at Tyler.
Zach locked eyes with the young man at the counter who mouthed the word, "freak", as a final shot to which Zach responded with a jab of his middle finger directed at Tyler, his bottom lip captured between his teeth for emphasis. He followed that sign of affection with a kiss and a wink before pushing out the door.
"Jesus H," Ben said angrily, getting in the car. "Why did you have to goad him!"
"Goad him? Are you kidding me? I'm not taking that shit from him. He's a narrow-minded prick. AND I got my movies for FREE," Zach added victoriously. "Take your movie."
"I SAID I didn't want it when I was in there and I meant it."
"Don't be a victim. Why shouldn't we get something out of it? Just because he's a loser and a jerk…"
"He's like most people," Ben said miserably.
"Take the movie."
"I'm not coming back here even to return a free movie or to rent one either."
"Take the movie," Zach persisted. "When you're done you can give it to me and I'll return it. In person," he said with a wicked grin.
"You love stirring shit." Ben clamped his seatbelt on roughly, taking out his frustration on the defenseless chunk of metal that served as a buckle.
"I do not, but I'm not running from it either," Zach explained. "I said what I had to say. Nice job in there, by the way. You totally stuck it to him."
"Shut up, Zach! Who could get a word in edgewise anyway?"
"Someone had to say something. I get sick of that crap."
Oh to have Zach's self-confidence, Ben thought. Although, it could be a two-edged sword. Ben swore his friend was afraid of virtually nothing. While Ben had stood there, anger and hurt wiping his mind clean of any sharp comebacks, Zach's emotions catapulted him into action, his tongue and mind flying at Mach 10.
"I couldn't think, ok? I'm not like you." Ben snapped.
"You don't have any trouble spouting off at me."
"It's different with comments like that."
"Fucking queers and freaks. Pisses me off," he said, starting the engine. "I'll be damned if I'll take it from some snot-nosed punk who doesn't know straight up - no pun intended. I can't wait to tell Nelson about it. Free movies." Laughter bubbled up as Zach mentioned his victory.
"Not worth it. I hope he gets fired," Ben said.
"That would be icing on the cake, my friend."
Zach pulled his sunglasses back into place and said, "Off to the grocery store. Now if someone would just call us names in there, I could save 20 bucks."
Ben sighed and sank down in the passenger's seat. He'd pay 20 bucks and then some to avoid a repeat scene like the one they just left.
"I love this song," Zach said obliviously as he cranked the radio up and began to sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben went home, the dark cloud that settled over him at the movie store following him all the way. He took his two small bags of groceries in the house, and put away Manwich sauce, hamburger and buns from one bag and chips and dip from the other. It wasn't the all out junk food night that Zach and Nelson had planned but not too bad for novices. He hoped Vic would enjoy it and that the comedy he selected would help him shake off the feelings of rejection and disapproval shrouding him.
Ben kicked off his tennis shoes roughly, angry with himself for saying nothing at the time. "Come here, Maggie," he said, patting the sofa beside him.
Maggie jumped up, her whole body wagging with delight from the attention Ben was showering on her. Ben pulled the furry Sheltie to him and sunk his face into her fur.
"I had a bad day, Maggs," he said to her quietly. She nuzzled him as though she understood. Her little pointed nose pushed at Ben's hand for a rub and he obliged.
"You don't care if I'm a freak, do you, girl?" Ben wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and pretend the whole horrible episode at Blockbuster never took place. The incident kept replaying in his head, leaving him angry for not saying anything at the time, and angry to have been singled out and treated like someone with two heads rather than simply a man who preferred men over women.
He straightened up off the sofa when he heard Vic's car in the driveway and Maggie preceded him to the kitchen where they met Vic as he came in from the garage.
"There's a pleasant sight," Vic said. He hung his keys up on the hook and wrapped his arms around Ben. He sought Ben's lips and kissed him hard.
"Hey. How was your day?" Ben asked.
"Rough," Vic said. "I've been looking forward to seeing you for about the last four hours. Anything that could go wrong went wrong this afternoon."
"I'm sorry," Ben said.
"How about you?" Vic asked, his arms entwined around Ben's waist.
Ben shrugged. Reliving the experience in his head was bad enough. Verbalizing it was about as appealing as a root canal sans Novocain. "Nothing much. Just a regular day."
"Not good or bad?"
"Not really. I'm glad you're home," Ben said, smoothly changing the subject.
"Glad to be home," Vic said with a smile. He dipped his head to kiss Ben again and Ben savored his partner.
"So, what do we want to do for dinner on this fine Friday night?"
"Oh," Ben said, "I took care of that."
Vic looked around the kitchen, which was still clean from breakfast. Ben said, "I'm going to take care of it, I meant. I bought Manwich stuff."
"Manwiches, huh?"
"Yeah, even I can make those. It was Zach's idea."
"Zach suggested Manwiches for us?" Vic tugged at the knot on his tie and unfastened the top button of his shirt.
"Not exactly," Ben said. "He and Nelson do something they call movie night every so often. It's junk food and a movie."
"Sounds like a nice change of pace."
"Having Manwiches is not exactly what they do, but anyway," Ben said.
"Are you ok?" Vic's dark eyes bored into Ben as though they could dissect him physically and emotionally to assess how well he was.
"I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all. I've been dragging around with Zach all afternoon."
Vic kept looking at Ben until Ben began to feel uncomfortable. He turned his head away from Vic's touch to his forehead disguised as a finger comb through Ben's hair.
"I'm fine, I said. Go change and I'll start dinner."
"You don't seem like yourself tonight," Vic persisted.
"I *said*," Ben repeated, turning his partner toward the kitchen door, "I'm fine. Go change and I'll have the hamburger started before you get back."
Thankfully, Vic let it go and left Ben to cook dinner. Ben pulled the hamburger out of the refrigerator and tossed it into the big skillet to start cooking. He pulled the can of Manwich sauce out of the pantry and clamped the handheld can opener onto the tin, winding it around the rim to open the can. As he neared completing the circle, the can opener refused to budge another centimeter, merely spinning in place. Ben lifted the can by the opener so he could see then began to crank it as hard as he could to maneuver around the dent in the lip of the can. The opener stubbornly stayed in the same spot and Ben angrily slammed it onto the table with enough force that it toppled to the linoleum.
"Fuck!" he exclaimed, as seasoned tomato sauce splattered out of the mostly open can to smear across the floor.
Maggie hurried over to investigate and began licking the floor. "NO, Maggie! Crap!"
Maggie ducked at Ben's tone and resorted to sniffing at the concoction rather than eating it. Ben immediately felt like shit for snapping at one of the few beings on this earth who loved him unconditionally. He scooped up the dog and said, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to yell at you."
She nuzzled Ben's neck, forgiving him in that way dogs tend to do, faithful come hell or high water, or even spilled sauce. Ben put her down with direction not to eat off the floor and he sat down heavily at the table.
The day just got better and better. Dinner was ruined. He angrily kicked the can with enough force to roll it several feet and distribute even more sauce.
"That was just stupid," he berated himself as the mess on the floor grew with his frustration. He got up and slammed the kitchen chair back under the table just as Vic came back.
"What happened?" he asked, looking at the mess on the floor.
"I'm a dumbass who can't even open a can without ruining dinner, that's what happened," Ben snapped.
"Benjamin," Vic said warningly. "Dinner isn't ruined."
"It isn't? Do you see more Manwich sauce lying around anywhere? Because I don't."
"Don't snap at me because you dropped the sauce," Vic said. "I'm not in the mood for your temper tonight."
"Well, excuse me for being mad because I ruined our meal. I guess I'm not allowed to get angry."
"Hey," Vic said, pulling Ben up short as he snatched paper towels off the roll.
"What?" Ben said angrily.
"I don't care if you get mad. I would be mad if I had done it, too. But that doesn't give you the right to take it out on me."
Ben felt a layer of guilt top the mound of insecurity that had been building since the movie rental incident and he dropped his eyes. First the dog, then his lover.
"Sorry." The tone contradicted the words and intent, even to Ben's ears.
"You want to apologize like you mean it?"
Ben sighed. "I'm sorry."
The sentence was short and sweet, devoid of intonation of any kind, which was the best Ben could muster at the moment.
Vic crossed his arms, his brow furrowed, as he glared at Ben.
"What? I said I was sorry! Twice now!"
"I think you need to cool down," Vic said, taking the paper towels from Ben's hands.
Ben huffed audaciously and rolled his eyes. Vic straightened up before he ever fully bent over to clean up the mess. "Do you think you can handle that without standing in the corner?"
"What?! Quit nagging at me."
"I heard you grunting at me. What's it going to be?"
It took every ounce of control Ben had within himself to state what needed to be said even if it wasn't how he felt.
"I can handle it."
Vic did one of his long slow looks that almost always made Ben squirm whether he was in trouble or not.
"I'm sorry, ok?" Ben said with more contrition than he had the first two times.
"Ok," Vic said. The hamburger sizzled noisily on the stove and Vic directed, "Take up the hamburger while I clean this mess, please."
"I don't know why I don't just throw it down the disposal. We can't do anything with it," Ben said, carrying the hot pan over to the sink.
"Don't throw it out. We can run down to the store and pick up another can of Manwich sauce. Won't take a half hour."
"I'm not even hungry anymore."
"Don't start with that," Vic warned.
"God, you're in a mood tonight." He thunked the hot pan onto a hot pad on the counter.
"I beg your pardon?" Vic asked, sitting back on his heels. Even from the floor, he had a way of making Ben shrivel when he invoked The Tone.
Ben shrugged. "You said you had a bad day. That's not my fault."
"It seems like you're the one in a mood," Vic accused. "I had a rough day, but not enough to take it out on you. I was looking forward to seeing you tonight to forget about the rest of the day."
"So now I've made the rest of your day suck, too, is that what you're saying?" Ben replied hotly.
"That is not what I'm saying. Don't put words into my mouth."
"You said…"
"I said I was looking forward to seeing you and that you seem to be in a bad mood."
"I'm not in a bad mood," Ben said, despite the cloud that remained around him.
He turned from the face of his lover to drain the grease from the hamburger and heard Vic walking across the kitchen to the trashcan. He joined Ben at the sink to wet some fresh paper towels just as Ben was setting the hamburger aside. Vic finished with the floor and then went to the sink to wash his hands.
"What happened today? Did you and Zach fight?" Vic asked.
"No, I'm fine already," Ben said tightly.
"Nothing happened between you and Zach?"
"No! Would you let it go?"
"Is that what I'd find out if I called over there?"
Ben felt his lips purse at that comment and he glared at his partner. "You know what? Call them. Go ahead. You think I'm lying, then call."
"Is that what I have to do to find out what happened today?"
"Unbelieveable!"
Ben threw his hands up in the air and stalked out of the kitchen and went to their bedroom, slamming the door behind him hard enough to shake the foundation. He fell onto the bed and rested his head on his folded forearms, miserable with life. The footsteps he knew would follow were seconds behind him, falling heavily from the stairs to the hallway, stopping just outside their door.
The doorknob wiggled and held, giving Ben a certain sense of satisfaction.
"Benjamin David, unlock this door right now!" Vic bellowed from the other side of the six-panel door.
Ben turned his head toward the wall opposite the locked door and said nothing. Let him stay out there.
"Benjamin!"
Vic's voice lifted, the volume swiftly approaching glass-breaking status.
"Just leave me alone," Ben barked back. "Liars don't like company."
There was no response immediately, just dead air. Then Vic's voice traversed the blocked doorway, low and threatening. "I'm counting to three," was all he said.
"So count," Ben said but only loud enough for his own ears.
"One!" Vic announced.
Ben knew he should open the door because things were spiraling fast enough to whisk Dorothy and Toto out of Kansas. No matter how he rationalized it, he couldn't seem to stop what he had started. It was like being on a ride you couldn't get off. The train stops when the train is damn well ready and not before. This train was moving fast enough to jump the track.
"Two!"
Ben's eyes flicked to the door as the two-count fell and suddenly, his brain nudged his legs and he got up from the bed before it got decidedly too late.
Just before Vic bellowed "three", Ben exclaimed, "I'm coming! Just wait a second."
He unlocked the door and flung it open hard enough for it to reverberate against the protective rubber ended spring on the wall. He wheeled around to walk away but got no more than two steps before Vic grasped his upper arm, holding him in place to dust the seat of his jeans.
"Sit down," Vic growled, pointing toward the bed.
Ben struggled to keep his hands off his backside, determined not to give Vic the satisfaction of knowing it hurt. He went to the bed as instructed and sat on the edge, arms folded indignantly as he stared at his partner.
"First of all, we do *not* lock each other out, either in this house or emotionally," Vic said. "Do you understand me?"
Ben stared at the wall past Vic. "I wanted time alone."
"It doesn't happen, Benjamin David. Ever. Is that clear?"
Ben nodded shortly.
"Look at me," Vic said, and Ben reluctantly drew his eyes from the wall to meet those of his partner.
"Secondly, I did not call you a liar," Vic said.
"'Is that what I'll hear if I call them'?" Ben mimicked.
"I wanted to know if you were keeping anything to yourself about today. Clearly something happened."
"What if I was? I don't have to tell you every little teeny tiny detail of my life."
"Don't even go there, Ben."
"Well I don't!"
Vic placed his hands on his hips and said, "Anything that makes you act like you're acting this afternoon needs to be told to me. Period."
Ben knew he had stepped squarely into that one. Talking between them had been a hot button for their whole relationship. It was not something that came easily to either one of them, but something they both knew and admitted needed to happen to maintain a healthy relationship.
But reasoning and understanding didn't make it any easier, and Ben didn't want to think about this day anymore. He seriously wished he could crawl under the covers he sat on and turn back the clock, restarting the hideous day and making it much different. He would begin by not going to the video store, then end it with a relaxing evening with his partner rather than a cat fight between them.
"Look, can we start this afternoon over?" Ben asked earnestly. "I was just mad about the mess in the kitchen, that's all, and things got out of hand. Can we just put a pizza in the oven and forget it ever happened?"
Vic's eyebrows went up in surprise. "You have a snit fit like this and lock me out of our room and you want to forget it ever happened? I don't think so. Not before I deal with it."
The words hit Ben like a Mack truck and he realized only too late that he had effectively put the final nail in the coffin and made a bad day that much worse. There was no way to undo it no matter how badly he wanted to.
"Vic, I'm sorry. There's nothing to deal with though. You thought I was lying and I didn't appreciate it. Let's call it even, ok? I forgive you."
Vic nodded slowly. "You're right. I did think you were lying. And you know what?"
"What?" Ben asked cautiously.
"I still do."
Ben let the words sink in and he stared at Vic silently, refusing to confirm or deny Vic's suspicions.
Vic said with a finger pointing at Ben, "It might not have been a fight with Zach, but something happened today, didn't it?"
Ben looked at his fingernails and picked at a rough spot rather than look at Vic.
"That's what I thought," Vic said. "What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Ben said. "It wasn't anything major but it put me in a bad mood, ok? I didn't mean to take it out on you."
"If it wasn't anything major, telling me shouldn't be a big deal, now should it?"
Ben huffed and slapped his thighs. "Fine! Zach had an argument with the Blockbuster guy, ok? Nothing earth shattering but it set me in a bad mood. Then I dropped our dinner on the floor. That's it!"
"That's all you have to tell me?"
All he felt like telling. "Yes."
"What was the fight about?" Vic pushed.
"Nothing. The guy was being a jerk and Zach called him on it." Vic stared at him, waiting for more, and Ben added, "That's it. Nothing more to tell."
Vic nodded and crossed his arms. "If you have nothing more to add then we only have to deal with this afternoon."
"Come on, Vic!" Ben said in a panic. "I was mad because you didn't believe me."
"And I was right. Get up."
"No, that's not fair," Ben said even as he stood. He knew he was in trouble from the minute he slammed the bedroom door. As if that weren't enough, he eternally sealed his fate when he twisted the lock into position knowing full well Vic would be following.
In a last ditch effort, he said, "Just let me go get more sauce and we'll try to salvage the evening."
"We can do that in about 10 minutes if you still feel like it." Vic took a seat where Ben had been and placed his hands on the juncture of thigh and hip while he looked expectantly at Ben.
"Take your jeans down," Vic said.
"Don't make a bad day worse, please, Vic!"
"You made that decision, didn't you?" Vic said stubbornly. "Jeans down."
Ben started pushing his button through the buttonhole of his jeans while continuing to plead his case. "You made me mad not believing me."
"Hurry up," Vic said, the arguments falling on deaf ears.
Ben finished with his fly, but leaving his jeans in place. "How would you feel if I didn't believe you about something?"
"If I have to count again…" Vic said threateningly.
God! He was so stubborn sometimes. Ben felt his butt clenching in anticipation of a routine that was all too familiar. Giving up the fight he knew he'd never win, Ben pushed his jeans down just low enough to expose his underwear to the bottom edge of his butt. Somewhere deep inside, Ben knew this moment was eminent from the moment he refused to tell Vic about the argument that drove his shitty mood.
He had barely shifted his pants southward when Vic grasped his wrist and pulled him lengthwise across his lap, bringing their bedroom carpet into view about a foot and a half under Ben's nose. He tried desperately to find balance in a position designed to throw him off-kilter, and finally resorted to using his fingertips against the carpet. He inhaled sharply when Vic tugged his jeans down farther then bared his backside. His face turned hot with shame and the rush of blood to his head, suddenly leaving him convinced that talking would have been the better option.
But he couldn't help it! No matter how much his head knew he needed to talk to Vic about his problems, his mouth was rarely willing to cooperate. Sometimes it took facing the carpet with his pants down to loosen his tongue. He heard the first shot to his butt milliseconds before the sting of the impact spread over his cheeks. Vic peppered his backside quickly, leaving a wicked sting in the wake of each swat strategically placed to overlap and cover every inch of Ben's rear end.
As the tears began to flow, they eroded the protective walls Ben had erected and he felt a release of all the ugliness of the day, his emotions flooding through him. He sobbed until his throat was raw and his chest hot, as he begged Vic to stop. He would have risen if not for Vic's heavy forearm clamping Ben down to his lap when a barrage of smacks landed against the tender area connecting butt and thighs. As quickly as it started, it was over, and Ben found himself on Vic's lap, head buried in his neck.
Ben's breath hitched as the sobbing gave way to hiccups.
"I'm sorry, Vic," he said with meaning. "You had a bad day, too, and I made it worse. I didn't mean to let things get out of hand. I swear I didn't."
"Listen to me," Vic said, his deep voice rumbling in his chest. "You never make my day bad, much less worse."
"I did though."
"No, you didn't."
"I did. I…"
"Benji, you heard me." He finished the sentence with a tender stroke down the expanse of Ben's back.
"I should have just told you about today. I don't know why it's hard for me."
"Shh. It's ok. We're doing better."
"He said we were freaks."
Vic peeled Ben away from him and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "What did you say?"
"The Blockbuster guy. He said we were a couple of freaks and fucking queers."
Vic uncharacteristically rolled his eyes toward the ceiling and his brow creased in a frown. "What an idiot. How did that come about?"
"I don't know," Ben sniffed as he wiped at his eyes. "Remember we thought that blonde guy saw us that time? That's the guy."
"We're in that store all the time. I'm calling the manager about this," Vic said resolutely. "He won't get away with talking like that."
"Never mind, Zach took care of him. He wouldn't let it go! I just wanted to leave, forget the whole thing."
"Did that cause you and Zach to have a fight?"
Ben shook his head. "No, we didn't fight. He just made me want to disappear when he argued with the guy."
"I'm so sorry, Benji. What did Zach say?" Vic asked, his eyes full of concern.
"I can't even remember. He was firing shots at the guy. You know how Zach is."
Vic sighed and hugged Ben hard. Something in Vic's embrace made it easier for Ben to let go of the weight of the day.
"The manager came over and gave us our rentals for free. Zach didn't even seem to care about what the guy said aside from getting mad about it. He blew up about it and that was that."
"Zach has the ability to let stuff like that roll off," Vic agreed.
"No kidding. It was like he was proud of getting something free. That's all he cared about by the time we left." Ben said, "He couldn't wait to tell Nelson."
"That's Zach. God, I'm so sorry that happened to you," Vic said, wrapping Ben in another tight hug.
"When will people stop treating us like that? Why can't we live the way we want to without being singled out and called names?"
"It's not easy being openly gay, even in today's world. Things have changed a lot but still have a long way to go," Vic said solemnly. "There will always be people who hate what they don't understand."
"Like him. I hate him for making me feel like I do."
Vic large hand, formerly punishing, now tenderly painted elongated ovals over Ben's back as he spoke. "I love you, Benjamin, more than anything on this earth. Do you love me?"
Ben shifted to see Vic's face. "I do. You know I do."
"You know what? If that makes us a couple of freaks, then I'm happy to be one. I couldn't ask for better company."
Ben's eyes refilled and his chin shook. He threw his arms around Vic's neck and clung to him, to this man who had become the center of his universe, his partner, his lover, his best friend.
"I love you, too, Vic," Ben whispered.
"That's all that I care about. I don't give a rat's behind what other people think. History is filled with people being pointed out for being different. The thing that matters to me is that we're happy and have each other."
They held one another like that for several long minutes, until Vic gently patted Ben's butt and said, "I have to stand up. My leg is going to sleep."
Ben stood, the motion reminding him of what had just happened. He slipped a hand back to lightly rub his behind.
"If that guy thinks I'm a freak because I'm gay, imagine what he'd think if he knew the rest of the story."
"What happens within the confines of our home is our business, not some snot-nosed kid's from Blockbuster. What works for us is our business. We don't explain it or make excuses for that."
The resolution in Vic's tone was soothing. Ben smiled at him, now finding comfort in his stubbornness, and said, "Even if it makes us freaks?"
"Yes, but it doesn't. And no ignorant kid is going to make me feel like one nor will I grant him the right to define our relationship."
"Yeah," Ben agreed, pride in his partner replacing the insecurity from earlier.
"Why don't we go downstairs? We need to find something for dinner."
"Ok," Ben said. He stepped out of his shoes, then pulled his jeans the rest of the way off, deciding to wear just his boxers and sweatshirt. Vic stood nearby, waiting, and picked up Ben's shoes from where he left them.
"Why do people have to be so cruel?" Ben asked quietly as he folded his jeans.
"Some people just are. I doubt that will ever change even with society making progress." Vic tossed Ben's tennis shoes into the closet and closed the door.
"Yeah. Our marriage still isn't recognized as legal. It's not right."
"No, maybe not today but we're getting there. Elton John won't be in the minority of legally married gay man one day," Vic said, holding his hand out to Ben. "Frozen pizza ok?"
"Yeah," Ben said. "My nose is all stuffy so I can't taste anything anyway."
"Frozen pizza it is."
Hand in hand, the couple descended the stairs together.
There's a wonder in this weakness
It's so beautiful sometimes
Across the universe we're lightning
In the race we're a step behind
Me and you we're not for everyone
Me and you we're damaged goods
We're antique and unacceptable
And just misunderstood
We're just freaks in love
Saints above Shine on our sweet life
Happy is the union
Of fools and freaks alike
And fearless are the idiots
Among the hawks and doves
We're on the outside looking in
A couple of freaks in love -recorded by Elton John, Peachtree Road
