Old Series - Something Old, Something New Ch. 3

Something Old, Something New - Chapter 3

by Nelson

May 2004

Author Notes: Special thanks once again to Alex for the inspiration for this story. It took a lot of work on her part to get me to even think about it ;-) Also, thanks for her beta work, and her refusal to let me embarrass myself grammatically. One day she is going to smack me for what she calls “tweaking” after she gives stories back to me.

This is a long one, but the last one in the “old” series. I could have posted this as two stories but I didn’t think you’d let me get away with it yet again ;-)

The words Ben read ripped at his heart, but he kept repeating the process as much as he could through blurred vision. “I won’t make you come home, even though that’s exactly what I want to do. I want you with me, Ben, but it has to be your choice. The ball is in your court. I won’t try to contact you anymore. You know how to reach me. I’ll love you always – Vic.”

Why did he have to do that? Ben wanted nothing more than for Vic to take the reins and make this all go away. He was hurt when he left, and just as angry as hurt. After nearly two years, he still hadn’t learned to control his temper. He wiped at his eyes, and went home – his new home. As much as he needed the money, he was in no condition to go to work.

The next day, Ben sat at the one of the picnic tables under the trees and tried to study. He couldn’t concentrate, and was surprised he even had the wherewithal to write a single assignment in his handheld throughout the day. All he could think about was Vic and the mess he was in. Zach plopped down across from him, unnoticed until he shook the table with his presence. “Hey, Benji. Still pissed at me?”

Ben studied his books and shook his head “no”. Zach asked, “Then why aren’t you speaking to me?”

“I’m not trying not to speak to you, dumbass,” Ben said.

“Oh, ‘dumbass’, is it? And, just when you had me convinced you weren’t still mad,” Zach said sarcastically. “Get over yourself. I said I was trying to help, and this is the thanks I get?” Ben raised his eyes to his friend, and Zach immediately noticed the redness there. “Have you been crying?” Zach asked with sudden concern.

“No,” Ben lied. He looked back down at his books and started scribbling in his notebook.

“You look like shit,” Zach observed, noting the dark circles under the red eyes.

Ben kept his attention on his books while he answered. He said, “Thanks. You look beautiful, too.” He continued writing, pressing hard against the pages of his notebook. “I have to finish up before I leave.”

“You can do your homework later, you know. You don’t have to do it right after school anymore.”

Ben felt a stab of hurt that a former rule was no longer in place, because a former partner was no longer there to enforce it. “Old habit,” he mumbled.

“Doesn’t have to be, moron,” Zach said, pulling his own books from his backpack. “You need to talk to Vic,” he said again. Maybe if he repeated the mantra enough, he’d eventually convince his stubborn friend.

Ben implored Zach, “And, how am I supposed to do that now?”

Zach looked up curiously from his books, having heard the possibility of his two friends speaking and not a resounding “no” from Ben. “Do you want to?” he asked cautiously. “I mean, if you want to…” Ben didn’t answer with his mouth, but his eyes confirmed it. “Can I help?”

Ben looked away then slowly reached into his backpack lying on the table. He retrieved a crumpled piece of paper, the words smeared from handling, and passed it across the table to Zach. Zach glanced at the paper offered to him then looked up at Ben, whose eyes were fixed on the note. Zach reached out and gently took it from Ben. After reading it, he asked, “What are you going to do with the ball, Benji?”

Ben shrugged and tapped his pen nervously against the paper in his notebook. “Don’t know.”

“You want to talk to him, don’t you?” Zach asked. Ben shrugged again. “You lying son-of-a-bitch. You know you want to. You just got things so fucked up, you don’t know how to talk to him anymore,” Zach observed.

“Yes!” Ben snapped. “All right?! What am I supposed to do? Pick up the phone and just call him?”

“Do you want me to help?” Zach asked again. “I will, but… I can’t… not unless you ask me to.” Ben frowned with confusion on his face. Zach reached back and discreetly grazed his hand lightly over his hip as if to brush something off the seat of his jeans. “Nelson told me… he… well, he made it clear I can’t help if I’m not asked to anymore.”

“You got in trouble for the other night?”

Zach nodded, and he felt the color rise to his cheeks. “He had told me to leave it alone before… you know, before I invited you over. I just thought if the two of you saw each other…”

“You got in trouble for ME?”

“What do you think, dufus? I want you happy again,” Zach said with a hint of a blush to his cheeks. “I thought it would be worth it… not so sure now…” The serious, contemplative expression fled as his voice trailed off then his eyes lit up, and he smiled. “But, if you ASK me to help…”

Ben managed a smile in return. “I can’t do this by myself,” he confessed. “Do you have any ideas?”

“Well,” Zach offered the letter, “he is obviously willing to talk. If you are too, maybe you just need to meet on neutral territory. Like our house?” Zach suggested.

Ben cut his eyes at Zach, “And, just how is that neutral territory? Nelson will be there.”

“And, I will be, too. We both want you back together. It’s not about choosing sides, even though I’m on yours,” he said with a grin. “Let me talk to Nelson, okay?”

“I don’t know…” Ben said.

“Quit being dramatic,” Zach said and threw his pen across the table at Ben. Ben ducked the torpedo, and it clattered to the tabletop, threatening to roll off the edge before he stopped it. Zach asked, “Would you rather meet at your old house? Or at a restaurant alone?”

Ben shook his head and doodled on his paper with Zach’s pen. “Not really, no.”

“So, our house is best,” Zach decided. “I’ll talk to Nelson and call you tonight, okay?”

Ben nodded, happy for possible resolution, but his stomach twisted in anxiety nonetheless. He threw Zach’s pen back at him, nailing him in the chest before Zach knew what was happening.

“Now, before you get mad…” Zach started.

“Oh, God,” Nelson said. He leaned back in the kitchen chair and looked up at the ceiling. Gathering his strength, he looked at Zach and said, “What have you done? Can it wait until after we eat?”

Zach kicked him under the table playfully with a sock-covered foot. “I didn’t DO anything, thank you.”

“Then why would I be mad?” Nelson asked curiously. He laid his fork down and waited to hear why he might be upset by whatever it was Zach was about to spill before he dared to go further with his meal.

“Because of the other night,” Zach said. His wide, innocent eyes were on Nelson, and Nelson raised his brows, inviting more. “Well, you said not to get involved… a little more than you needed to…” Zach rushed on when he saw Nelson open his mouth to disagree, “but you said it was okay if one of them asked me to, right?”

Without diving for the bait, Nelson folded his arms and said, “Tell me about what happened. Where are you going with this?”

“Ben got a note from Vic. Remember the one I delivered?” Nelson nodded, still patiently waiting for the whole story. His dinner remained untouched while he waited, but Zach was eagerly filling his mouth around his conversation. “Well,” he continued, “Ben wants to talk to Vic, but he doesn’t know how.”

“He doesn’t know how?” Nelson repeated. He relaxed somewhat and chanced trying to eat.

“You know. He’s in over his head.” Zach waved the tines of his fork in the air approximately where he felt the water had risen over Ben’s cranium. “He let it go too far, and he knows it,” Zach said. His voice trailed off and he waited for Nelson’s attention again. “He ASKED me to help get them back together.”

“Is that what he said, Zach?” Nelson asked, stabbing at some butter beans. “Or, did he ask for help in talking to Vic?”

“Same difference,” Zach said, rolling his eyes. “He didn’t exactly say it, but I know what he meant,” Zach chewed while he waited for Nelson to respond. He opened his mouth, timing it just right, and said at the same time as Nelson, “What exactly did he say?”

Nelson tried to suppress a smile, but found himself laughing right along with Zach. Zach said, “You’re so predictable.”

“Then why do you bait me? Just tell me exactly what he said.”

“It’s more fun to bait you, that’s why.” Zach got his chuckles under control and said, “He’s not sure how to approach Vic, so I told him I thought the two of them should meet here to talk. We’ll both be here and it might make it easier. What do you think? You know, we can run interference.”

Nelson nodded thoughtfully. “I’m glad to hear the two of them are ready to talk about this mess. There might be hope if they are.” He eyed his young lover and asked, “You’re sure Ben is okay with this?”

Zach rolled his eyes backward again. “God, Nelson. Do you honestly think I’d try something else if he wasn’t okay with it?”

“I would hope not…”

“I won’t!” Zach said emphatically. “What do you think?”

“I think it might work. I need to talk to Vic, first,” he said.

Zach grabbed a handful of air with a victorious fist and shouted, “YES!” Nelson smiled at his lover’s enthusiasm and returned to his meal.

“You know,” Nelson started to say, with hungry eyes on his lover, “you’re quite hot when you’re playing Cupid.”

Zach raised his eyebrows and looked Nelson up and down seeing an expression he knew well. “Is that a fact?”

Nelson responded confidently, “That is a fact.”

“Are you just going to sit there, or are you going to do something about it, Dr. Strangelove?” Zach asked teasingly.

Nelson got up wordlessly and his lips engulfed Zach’s in a hard kiss. “Dinner later?” he asked thickly.

Zach returned the kiss in response.

Ben sat in the car staring at Nelson and Zach’s house, unable to get out. He parked next to Vic’s SUV, trying to still his stomach from churning and his heart from racing outside his chest. Zach bounded out the door and down the steps, eagerly approaching Ben’s car. He whipped the door open when Ben didn’t get out and leaned into the car. “Come on, Benji. He’s here.”

“I know,” Ben said, swallowing hard. “I… I can’t.”

Zach grabbed his arm and started tugging like a terrier on a pulltoy. “Come ON, you big dope.” Ben grudgingly followed Zach into the house, hanging back when they entered the hallway. Nelson and Vic looked up to see Zach in the doorway to the living room alone. When he saw them both looking at him, Zach turned around to find Ben still just inside the front door. He turned around and went to Ben, grabbing him by his shirtsleeve. “Come ON,” he ordered.

Ben allowed Zach to pull him toward the living room, and he followed him inside. His breath caught when he saw Vic sitting on the sofa. Their eyes locked when Vic saw movement in the doorway, and Ben could tell by looking at him, Vic was sleeping no better than he was. Tears knotted in his throat when a clearly haggard Vic stood from the sofa. His hair was styled as usual and his clothes were neatly pressed, but Ben didn’t miss the pain and stress in his eyes.

“Ben…” Vic started to say, “I’m glad you came to talk. I want us to work this out, Pumpkin.” Vic used the term of endearment purely out of habit, and the sentiment pushed Ben over the edge.

“I can’t,” he said. “I’m sorry…” He turned from the room, pulling his arm out of Zach’s grasp with a solid yank, and fled to his car.

Zach was hot on his heels, rushing to catch up with him. “Ben! Benji!” His calls went unheeded and Ben jumped in his car. He locked the door as Zach approached, stopping him from getting the door open as he fully expected him to try.

Zach nearly tore his fingertips off when he pulled up on the handle that refused to budge. He smacked the glass and yelled, “Damn it! Benjamin! Get your butt back in the house!”

Ben was shaking his head, holding tears at bay, and unable to look at Zach. He ignored Zach’s pleas and started the car, pulling quickly from the driveway. A chanced glance over his shoulder revealed a last glimpse of Vic, looking decidedly dejected, on the front porch with Nelson’s supporting arm around his shoulders.

Zach walked back to the porch and took the stairs slowly, his pace loudly communicating his disappointment. Nelson met him on the edge and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Zach. I know how much you wanted this to work out for them.” Nelson felt pulled between his lover and his friend, both of whom needed support at the time.

Vic solved his dilemma by saying, “I’m going.”

Nelson let go of Zach long enough to give Vic a hug goodbye, and Zach threw his arms around Vic as soon as Nelson let go. Zach said against Vic’s shoulder, “I’m sorry, Vic. I really hoped tonight would end differently.”

Vic spoke around a tight throat, “Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.”

Nelson walked Zach back inside after Vic left and he pulled him into his lap in their chair. “I hate this!” Zach said bitterly.

“I know. So do I.” Nelson’s voice was soothing to Zach, and it helped to know the situation bothered him as well.

“Nelson?”

“What?” he answered, his hands running softly up and down Zach’s back.

“What if the same thing happens to us?” Nelson’s hand stopped moving at once and he shifted to see Zach when he spoke.

“We aren’t them, Sweet pea. I’m not planning on going anywhere. Ever. You won’t get rid of me so easily.”

He sounded so confident, so sure. “How do you know? What if things change?”

“We never fail to talk to each other, do we?” Nelson replied.

“No.”

“That’s how I can be so sure. Vic and Ben are still fairly young in their relationship. Ben isn’t good with voicing his thoughts and Vic isn’t always good at reading him just yet. You, however,” Nelson said, dipping his head to kiss Zach, “I can read like a book…”

“You aren’t exactly a closed book, yourself.” Zach reluctantly refrained from diving for Nelson’s lips again. “But, they’ve been together for almost two years. How can you say they are ‘fairly young’?”

“Until they fix their communication problems, they’ll remain ‘fairly young’, in my opinion. I’ll guarantee you, things unsaid have been the real cause of their break-up.”

“I think you’re right.” Zach leaned his head back against Nelson’s shoulder. “So, you think we’ll be okay?”

“I’m certain of it. And, I plan to remind you every day,” Nelson said with a smile.

“I won’t argue with that.”

Ben skipped school the next day, knowing he needed to be there, but somehow unable to face the day. He wanted to talk to Vic, tell him how hurt he was, but just couldn’t face him. He knew from looking at Vic the day before that he had caused him as much, if not more hurt than he had originally felt himself. Maggie slept peacefully at his side, and Ben rubbed her sable coat. He thought back over the night he got her, and had to smile with the memory.

Vic had totally surprised him by getting him the puppy. It was one of those moments where Ben felt fully loved and accepted by his partner. He missed that feeling, missed knowing Vic was there. Nights were the worst. The full-sized bed in his apartment felt double the span of the king-sized one he had shared with Vic, despite its smaller frame. Maggie stretched out on her side, wanting more of Ben’s touch, and he obliged her with gentle strokes to her belly. “Do you miss him, too, girl?” Ben asked with a tight throat. Maggie cracked open an eye, licked her lips and settled back to sleep. “It’s just us, now,” he said to her. He didn’t cry when he said it, although his throat constricted; the well was dry.

A knock on the door broke his concentration, and he stood up to see who was there. Maggie was instantly awake and on full alert. She jumped from the sofa, yipping softly, and trying her damnedest to be ferocious as she followed Ben. He peered through the peephole and saw the distorted visage of his best friend through the tiny, convex glass. He opened the door, and Zach pushed his way in with a gruff greeting. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” His hands were on his hips and his expression was one of pure aggravation. Ben turned his back on his friend, and Zach followed, still fussing, but took the time to slam the door shut behind him before he moved. “You asked for my help. What were you doing? Why did you leave? Why the crap did you skip school today?” The accusatory questions tumbled from his lips, uninhibited.

Ben sat on the sofa and patted the area beside him for Maggie to join him. “I couldn’t, okay? I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Well, for God’s sake,” Zach said with his hands outstretched and a glare at the ceiling, “say SOMEthing!”

“I couldn’t!” Ben shouted back. “What am I supposed to say to him? ‘Sorry I made you miserable because you made me miserable?? Take me back now? We’re even?’”

Zach folded his arms, still scowling and stammered, “Well, you could… you should have… you could have at least…” He threw his arms up in exasperation and flung himself on the sofa on the other side of Maggie. “Damn,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “I’d just TELL Nelson.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Ben repeated slowly. “It’s not that easy for me.”

Zach sighed, reached over and rubbed the dog. “Hey, Mags. What’s going on, girl? If you were good for anything but housing fleas, you’d tell us how to fix this mess.”

“She doesn’t have fleas.”

Zach took a long look around the sparsely-furnished apartment, dingy walls and well-worn carpet. He said while assessing the room, “She will if she lives here very long.”

Ben shrugged, and said, “I’m keeping it clean, and it’s cheap.”

“It should be.” Maggie licked Zach’s hand and he smiled for the first time since he walked in. “You still look like shit,” he said to Ben. “Are you sleeping at all?”

Ben shook his head, eyes fixed on the television. “No more than Vic, I don’t think.”

“Well, then DO something about it!” Zach snapped.

“Listen to me, you dork,” Ben said slowly. “I… don’t … KNOW what to do!”

“You…need…to… TALK to him,” Zach said equally as slowly.

“Would you quit saying that?” Ben said. “I know I do, but I have to figure out what to say first.”

“Try ‘I’m sorry I was a spoiled prick’. That should be enough.”

“He was a prick first!” Ben said.

Zach looked at him hard. “Whatever. Your pride isn’t worth losing him over. I think you both fucked up.”

The two sat quietly on the sofa for some time, blankly staring at the television. Zach said, after a long look at Ben, “You need to get out of this house… apartment…Roach Motel. Whatever the standard name is for a 900 square foot fleabag.”

“I don’t feel like going anywhere,” Ben said, pretending not to notice the wisecracks about his new home.

Making an executive decision, Zach got up and pulled at Ben’s arm as he stood. “Come on,” he said. “I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

Ben tried to pull his arm away. “Where did that come from?”

“My Nelson imitation,” Zach said looking back with a smile. “Pretty good, huh?”

The movie was fair, not quite a waste of matinee money, but not quite in the “good only as a rental” category either. They stepped out into the entryway and Zach saw Ben sway, then catch himself with his fingertips against the wall. He held his hand to his head and stood where he was, trying to get his balance by closing his eyes against his spinning surroundings.

“What?!” Zach said, groping for Ben’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just feel a little dizzy, that’s all. Give me a minute.”

Ben straightened up and Zach held onto his forearm. Zach sighed and watched his friend, more worried than ever. His first instinct was to call Nelson, and he had an internal struggle about whether to do it or not. He knew that would go over like a lead balloon, so Zach kept his thoughts to himself about involving his partner. “Benji, let me take you home. Are you okay to walk to the car?”

“I’m fine,” Ben said while trying to regain his balance. The last thing he wanted was to alarm Zach because he knew... “Don’t even THINK about calling Nelson,” he warned.

Zach’s mouth fell open into a practiced visage of innocence. “I’m NOT thinking that!” he lied easily.

“Bullshit,” Ben said. “I know how you are.”

“You can’t read my mind,” Zach said. He maintained a story of innocence but changed the subject. “You’re pale,” Zach said with a worried glance toward Ben.

“I’m fine,” Ben repeated. “Let’s just go, all right?” They made it to the car without incident, and Ben waited for Zach to unlock the passenger’s door. He got in, leaving the door open for some air until Zach got the car started. He turned all the vents on his side directly on him, and cranked the air conditioning.

Zach said, “Lay the seat back, and rest.”

“I’m fine,” he said again.

“Quit being so damned stubborn!” Zach exclaimed. “Hasn’t it caused you enough trouble? Lay BACK.” He punctuated his final word by raising his fist with his middle finger knuckle extended, and nailing Ben’s arm.

“Ouch!” Ben said, rubbing his arm. “That HURT.”

“Good. Lay back.”

Not willing to argue any longer, and knowing he would likely feel better reclined, he lowered the seat and put his forearm over his head to keep the sun out. He didn’t so much as raise his head until he felt the car pull to a stop. Zach turned the ignition off, pulled the keys out, and waited for Ben to sit up. He watched as surprise then fury consumed Ben’s face.

“What the hell are you doing?!” he barked at Zach. Nelson appeared on the porch about the time Ben realized he was at Zach’s house and not his own.

“I didn’t call Nelson. You just said not to call,” Zach said with a sheepish grin.

“I cannot believe you, Zach! Take me home!”

“You aren’t well.”

“I am FINE, I told you!” Ben said. Nelson waved from the porch, and obliviously went back to watering the hanging plants.

“You aren’t. I’m telling him,” Zach said resolutely. He unbuckled his seatbelt and Ben did the same, the two in a mad dash to meet Nelson first and give his side of things. They raced toward the porch and Nelson looked around from his watering to see the two struggling for dominance on the steps, Zach clearly having the upper hand in light of Ben’s weakened condition.

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on, you two?” he asked, discarding the watering can to separate them.

“Ben is sick!” Zach said quickly.

“I am not!” Ben argued. “I’m just tired.”

“He is too sick, Nelson. He almost fell at the movies.”

“Maybe I’m just clumsy,” Ben snidely remarked. “Did you ever think of that?”

“Or, maybe you aren’t,” Nelson said, interrupting the verbal battle. He looked Ben over carefully and delivered the news of his quick assessment. “You don’t look well, Benji.”

“I am FINE! Why can’t the two of you just leave me alone?”

Nelson reached out and took Ben’s wrist, and pulled him the rest of the way up the stairs. He kissed his head, meaning to check for a fever as well as offer his support. Feeling nothing more than the 98.6 that should be there, he said, “Come inside and have a decent meal. I’ll bet it’s been Stouffers and peanut butter since you left.”

“And, jelly,” Ben grumbled guiltily as though it helped. Nelson smiled at him before turning toward the front door with every expectation Ben would stay despite his protests. Nelson went inside, and Ben shot Zach the finger times two before following.

While the meal had done Ben a world of good, he needed to get home. “Zach, you have to take me home. I have to let Maggie out. I’ve been gone too long as it is.”

Nelson interrupted with new directions. “Zach, go get Maggie, and some clothes for Ben; a toothbrush, overnight stuff,” Nelson said. He turned to Ben and said, “Give him your apartment keys, Benji.”

Ben looked at Nelson with open shock. “No! I have to go home. I’m not staying here.” He sprang to his feet with every intention of leaving.

“You are,” Nelson said without hesitation, calmly rising to his feet as well. Ben opened his mouth to argue and Nelson held up his hand to stop him before he began. “Don’t even begin to think I won’t turn you over my knee, Ben. You’re staying here where I can keep an eye on you tonight.”

“But, Nelsoooon,” Ben whined in frustration.

Nelson refused to budge on his decision despite the heartfelt begging from his guest. He shook his head and held out his hand for the keys, and Ben finally dug them out and slammed them in his palm a little harder than Nelson cared for. “Did you hear what I just said?” Nelson asked.

“Ha ha,” Zach teased, grinning at Ben’s trouble. “He doesn’t like things slapped in his hand.”

“That’s enough,” Nelson said to Zach, cutting off his taunt, but not staunching the grin. Looking back at Ben, he said, “Both of you.”

Ben sat back down, slumped against the cushions, and crossed his arms. “Sorry,” he mumbled. After about a year or so, Nelson turned his long, slow glare off his subject, and handed Zach the keys.

“Don’t forget her food,” he said. “Where do you keep it, Benjamin?”

“Under the kitchen sink,” he grumbled.

With a quick kiss good-bye, Zach left on his mission.

Zach returned with Maggie, about an hour later, only to find Ben curled up on the sofa asleep. Nelson was leaning over him, covering him with a blanket, when Zach walked in. Nelson turned with a finger to his lips so Zach wouldn’t wake Ben, but he had underestimated Zach’s furry companion. Maggie jumped on the sofa, licking Ben squarely in the face, as soon as she saw him there. “Maggie,” Nelson reprimanded. “Shame on you.”

Despite Nelson’s reproof, she was not the least bit ashamed of her actions, and continued right on nuzzling Ben. He woke up, rubbing his face with one hand and petting her with the other. “Hey, sweetie,” he said groggily. The blanket Nelson draped over him slipped down into his lap as he sat up. “I can’t believe I fell asleep,” he said, chasing the cobwebs from his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I can,” Zach said, flopping onto the opposite end of the sofa. “You look like crappola.” He pushed his shoes off his heels with his toes, and folded a leg under his thigh.

“Zach, be nice,” Nelson scolded, but with a smile. He sat in the big chair and asked Zach, “Did she go to the bathroom before you brought her in?”

“She went before I left Benji’s place. She got pee on my shorts,” he said accusingly toward Ben while wrinkling his nose and simultaneously wiping at a small yellow spot on his khakis.

“She’s not nasty. You just didn’t give her time to dry before you put her in the car,” Ben said, kissing her on the nose.

“That is so gross,” Zach said. “Like I want dried pee on my shorts instead. No, thank you.”

Nelson laughed and held out his hand to Zach. “Come here, Groucho.”

“Well, it IS nasty,” Zach persisted. He wandered over to the big chair and settled into Nelson’s lap, his favorite seat in the house. Ben could hear them talking softly to each other about nothing in particular and felt a knife slip into his chest. Tears pricked his eyes and he cleared his throat before trusting himself to speak. “I think I’ll go upstairs and get in bed. I can watch television in the guestroom.”

Nelson said as Ben stood to leave, “I’ll come up and check on you in a bit.”

Ben said, “I’m…”

“Fine,” Nelson finished. “I know. I’m checking on you anyway.” He winked at Ben and was rewarded with a slight smile.

“Goodnight,” he said, grabbing the bag with his clothes in it Zach brought. “Come on, girl.” Maggie trailed behind him, following upstairs to the guestroom.

First thing in the morning, Nelson slipped into the guestroom, returning Maggie to her owner after her first walk for the day. “Morning,” Nelson said after Ben’s eyes peered at him, being awakened once again by Maggie.

Ben noticed the brightness of the room and darted upright suddenly in the bed. “What time is it?” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and read the clock. “Nine o’clock?!” he exclaimed. He started pulling the covers back to get up before Nelson stopped him with a hand to his shoulder, tucking the covers back around him. “I have to get up! I have school…”

“Not today,” Nelson said. He pushed Ben gently back against the pillows, and took a seat on the edge of the bed, effectively blocking his way out. “You need to stay here and rest today.”

“But…!”

“No buts about it, Benjamin. I’m staying home today so I can check on you. You need to eat right and get some rest before I’m letting you go home.”

“No!” Ben said while trying unsuccessfully to make another move around Nelson.

“Listen to me, Benjamin,” Nelson said with deadly sincerity. “I told you last night I would spank you, and I meant it. I won’t interfere with what’s going on between you and Vic, but you’d better believe I will when it comes to your health.” He paused, watching Ben’s reaction. “Now, if you don’t want to find out I mean what I say, you’d better just stay here without arguing with me. Is that understood?”

Ben fell against the pillows with a huff, knowing too well that Nelson meant what he said. He didn’t need to test him to find out. He said, “Yes!”

“And, no arguing means no attitude as well,” Nelson said firmly but gently. “Got it?”

Ben nodded. His face fell into a saddened frown and he said quietly, “But, I have school… I can’t fall behind. Vic will think…”

Nelson picked up Ben’s hand and rubbed the back of it softly. “Vic would not want you in school if you aren’t well. No more arguments. I mean it.” Nelson leaned over and kissed Ben’s forehead then reached up to straighten his hair that was showing the signs of a good night’s sleep. The simple act gave Ben a sudden flashback of the many times Vic had done the same thing. He wiped at his eyes before tears could fall and embarrass him in front of Nelson.

Nelson prodded gently, “Do you want to talk about it?” Ben shook his head, unable to speak without his voice giving him away. Nelson stood up and pulled the covers more tightly around him. “You look like you could use a bit more rest. Stay up here and I’ll bring you some breakfast.” Ben nodded again and didn’t trouble himself to raise another argument.

Ben had spent all day lounging at Nelson’s insistence, and eating what Nelson deemed to be “proper”. The dinner dishes were done and Ben wandered out on the back porch into the night air with Maggie. He gazed out into the darkened yard, caught up in the sight of fireflies dancing through the leaves of the trees that backed up to the edge of the lawn.

“Beautiful night,” Nelson said, interrupting Ben’s thoughts. Ben turned around at the sound of his voice, and found him leaning on the railing beside him.

“Yeah,” Ben agreed. “They look like Christmas lights,” he commented, noting the twinkling fireflies.

“They do,” Nelson observed.

“There are so many of them,” Ben said.

“Sure are,” Nelson agreed. He looked over at Ben’s face illuminated by the full moon and was glad not to see the many lines of worry that he feared would never disappear. “Are you feeling better?” he asked.

Ben answered without taking his eyes from the trees, “Yeah. I am.”

“I think another good night’s sleep ought to get you rested enough for the doctor to release you,” he said with a smile.

Ben smiled back and looked over at Nelson. “Thanks, Nelson.”

“Any time, Sweetheart,” he said, putting his arm around Ben. They watched the flickering lights of the fireflies wordlessly for another few minutes and Nelson asked again, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Ben released a long breath and whispered, “I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I can understand that,” Nelson said. “I suppose the real question is, do you want to fix it?”

Ben stiffened slightly and a tremble ran through his body in spite of the warm night air. “I do, I just don’t know how.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but you can’t fix it without talking to him about it.”

“He looked bad,” Ben said.

“He did. Maybe I need to kidnap him next,” Nelson said with a soft chuckle.

“Maybe you should.” Ben leaned into Nelson when he felt his arm tighten around his shoulders. “Does he… do you know if he still… ?”

“Yes, he wants it fixed, too,” Nelson answered.

“What should I say?” Ben implored.

Nelson kissed his head and said, “’I’m sorry’ would be a good start, and give him a chance to apologize. Then a good explanation for why you felt you had to leave would be the next move, in my opinion.”

“He should know why,” Ben said, with a certain degree of stubbornness inching its way into his attitude.

“I’m sure he knows why you left, but not why you couldn’t simply talk to him about it and work it out. He wasn’t given a chance to explain or make things right.”

“I was upset,” Ben explained.

“You’re telling the wrong person, Sweetheart.”

Ben shifted on his feet a bit, and said, “Can you talk to him first?”

“I’ve talked to him. It’s your turn.”

Ben thought about it and asked tentatively, “Will you… can you ask him…” he sighed and rushed ahead before he lost his nerve, “Will you invite him over again?”

“If you want me to.”

“I do,” he said quietly.

“If that’s what you want, I will.” He felt Ben nod against him. “I’ll invite him over tomorrow night then.”

“You’ll stay?” Ben asked.

“I will if you want me to.”

“That would be nice. Zach, too,” Ben replied. “I can’t come until after 7:00 because I have to work. There’s no way I can take off again tomorrow night.”

Another tight hug from Nelson relaxed Ben a bit even though his stomach was already flipping about. Nelson said, “Who knows? All this could be over tomorrow night and the two of you will have all weekend to make up for lost time and reconnect.”

God, that would be good, Ben thought.

Ben stopped by Nelson and Zach’s house after work, and saw Vic’s SUV in the driveway once again. Visions of the last attempted meeting filled his head and he determined it would end better this time. But, his feet stayed firmly positioned outside his car, refusing to cooperate, in spite of his good intentions. The front door opened and Nelson came through, walking toward Ben in the driveway.

He reached Ben and asked, “Ready?”

“I’m not sure. I am, but…” his voice cracked and tears stung his eyes.

Vic took a chance and stepped outside, unnoticed by Nelson or Ben. He hung back on the porch and watched his former lover talking with Nelson, who had his arms crossed over his chest while he spoke calmly to Ben.

It looked like Ben was crying a little, and shaking his head to whatever it was that Nelson was saying. Vic’s breath caught when Ben looked over and noticed him on the porch. Not sure what to do, but wanting nothing more than to hold Ben, he risked approaching him. Ben stiffened at first, and Nelson looked behind him to see what had caused the reaction. He moved around beside Ben and slipped an arm around his waist reassuringly. Ben heard a whispered voice in his ear, “It’s going to be all right. Just tell him what’s in your heart.”

Vic got within five feet of Ben, and he hadn’t bolted, for which he was grateful. “Ben,” he said earnestly. “Benji, I…” he stammered, “God, I’m so sorry.” His Adam’s apple started to bob and Ben tore away from Nelson, throwing himself at Vic, and melting into his shoulder.

Nelson pulled his eyes from the touching sight before him, and saw Zach peering out the living room window with a smile on his face. The smile broadened when he looked at Nelson, and his thumb shot up in approval over the apparently successful reunion.

Vic was apologizing over and over to Ben, holding him in a death grip, so he wouldn’t lose him again. Ben clung to Vic, transferring tears and snot to the shoulder of his shirt. “I couldn’t talk to you,” Ben said against a crushing hug. “I didn’t think you cared.”

“My God, Ben. How could you think that?” Vic said beside his ear. “How could you ever think that?”

“I don’t know,” Ben said. “I want to come home,” he cried.

Vic pulled him back and ran his hands down the sides of Ben’s face. “I want you home, too.” Ben grabbed at Vic again with a handful of Vic’s shirt balled up in each hand. Nelson left the two of them alone, understanding they needed time to themselves. He patted Vic on the shoulder as he went by, leaving the two of them to sort out their differences.

Once they were alone, Vic took Ben by the hand and led him toward the house, stopping when he felt Ben pull back a little. “I’m just going on the porch. Let’s sit down for a bit,” Vic said.

Ben started walking with Vic again once he realized he wasn’t going to be expected to go inside. He saw Zach’s face disappear from the window when he was yanked from behind by Nelson’s arm reaching to him from somewhere out of sight.

Vic sat in a rocker and pulled Ben snugly into his lap, hugging him tightly. “Why couldn’t you talk to me?” he asked. “Why did you leave?”

“I had to. I was upset,” Ben sniffed.

“I can understand that. What is beyond me is why you couldn’t tell me how you felt.”

“I did tell you,” Ben said.

“We decided I would get the files straight for someone else to take over. That’s what I was doing the night before you left.”

“But, you were gone so long…”

Vic said, “I called you. I finished everything that night so I wouldn’t have to do it anymore. That’s why I was so late.”

Ben cringed against Vic. “You… you did?”

“You would have known that if you just listened to my messages. I don’t understand why you got so upset that night.”

Ben hesitated before telling Vic everything and then thought better of trying to stretch the truth. “I went out that night when you said you were going to be late. I wasn’t home to get the messages. I thought you’d be home when I got there.”

“You were out that late?” Vic asked.

“Y- yes. And, you didn’t even know. You were so caught up with him, you didn’t even care about what I was doing.”

“Just because I’m busy might mean I’m distracted, but never that I don’t care, Benji,” Vic explained. “I’ll grant you, I was not focused on much other than getting that case wrapped up so we could have more time together, but it never meant I didn’t care.”

“I screwed that up, didn’t I?” Ben said. “We had more time apart than together.”

“Things didn’t work out the way I planned, no,” Vic said.

Ben sat quietly in Vic’s lap, glad to be back where he belonged. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I should have talked to you about it.”

“I’m sorry I was so distracted,” Vic said in answer to the apology. “We’ve been together too long for either of us to have made the mistakes we did.”

“Can we make things like they used to be?” Ben asked, his voice full of hope.

“I’d like nothing better,” Vic said. “We just have to be sure not to let anything like this happen again. It will take both of us, and far better communication.”

“I’m willing to do that,” Ben vowed. “But, I’d prefer to start… at home… rather than here.”

“I think we can manage that,” Vic said. Ben slid off Vic’s lap, hand clasped firmly in Vic’s.

“We have to go get Maggie,” Ben said.

“Of course we do. I’ve missed her, too,” Vic said.

Not needing any further help, the two climbed into Vic’s SUV, letting go of each other only long enough to get in the car, and they drove away without a care for Ben’s vehicle.

Ben gripped the headboard to steady himself on his knees while Vic forcefully penetrated him from behind. Vic had a grip on Ben’s waist, and he straddled him, also on his knees. Vic came quickly, as did Ben, after having been separated from each other for too long. Feeling Vic withdraw, Ben stretched out in the bed, and Vic spooned up behind him.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Vic said.

Ben smiled to himself, sated, and said, “I could tell.” Ben wiggled his naked hips back against Vic, enjoying the closeness he had missed over the last few weeks. “I’ve missed feeling you next to me and inside me,” Ben said.

Vic raised his head enough to brush tender kisses across Ben’s shoulder, traveling up to his neck and nuzzling the area behind his ear. “Me, too,” he whispered gruffly. Vic settled back against the pillow and wrapped an arm around Ben’s middle, holding him close.

“Make-up sex is the best sex in the world,” Ben observed.

“Definitely.”

Ben stretched out on the sheets against Vic and said, “Make-up sex is good the next day, too.”

“I won’t argue with you there,” Vic said with a smile.

“Nelson was planning to kidnap you, you know,” Ben said, resting against Vic’s chest. Neither was in a hurry to get up, and they lay together with the Saturday morning sun shining through the parted curtains.

Vic laughed softly. “He was, was he?”

“Yeah. He thought you needed it, too. He got the idea after he kidnapped me.”

“I didn’t need to be kidnapped, I needed you home,” Vic said with a kiss to Ben’s head under his chin. “I’ll be fine, now.”

Ben sat up suddenly and said, “I have to go to work! I totally forgot.”

Ben hurried to get out of bed, and Vic said, “You don’t have to keep that job, you know.”

The simple comment was not what Ben expected. It wasn’t a command to quit. “I… I like my job,” he said.

“You do?”

“I do,” Ben said. “I have to dress at my apartment.”

Vic sat up and watched Ben pull on his clothes from the day before. “We need to get your things from there.”

“After work, then?” Ben asked, sitting on the bed to put on his shoes.

“What time do you get off?”

“Three.”

“Do you have time to get your car this morning?” he asked, getting dressed himself.

Ben looked at the clock and decided they did have time. “Yeah.”

His thoughts were turning over the fact that Vic hadn’t demanded he give up the job, and he wondered just what had gotten into him. It was hardly an option before.

Zach was sitting across from Ben at lunch and said, “You look tired again. Is everything all right at home?”

“It’s fine, I guess.”

“You guess? Don’t tell me you’re going through problems again after just a week back together.”

“No. I guess I’m just tired from handling school and work. I thought for sure he’d make me quit. I’m not sure if Vic…” he shook his head without finishing his sentence. He concluded his thought, “He isn’t acting normal.”

“I’m trying to act like normal, but…” Vic was saying. He and Nelson were talking about the same things over lunch in another part of the city.

“But, what?” Nelson asked.

“Well, take work for example,” Vic said. “I really don’t want him trying to juggle school and work, but I just can’t bring myself to ask him to quit. I can’t lose him again.”

“I’m sure you don’t want that,” Nelson said. “But, he knows you well enough to pick up on inconsistencies. It’s not good, Vic.”

“I know, but I can’t lose him,” he repeated. “I can’t.”

“I’d be more afraid you’d lose him by not acting like Ben knows you to be,” Nelson said. “You didn’t allow him to work and go to school at the same time before. It’s not like you.”

Across town, Ben said, “It’s just not like him. I even picked up more hours and he didn’t complain.”

“Is that all?” Zach asked. He shrugged and said, “I’d think you would appreciate that.”

“Well, I do, I guess. He just seems different since I came back, in some ways. Like the work thing.”

“Maybe he saw you could handle work and school while you were gone, and he’s changed his mind about it. I mean, your grades didn’t slip any over the last few weeks, right?”

“Right,” Ben said. “Do you think that’s it?”

“That’s not it,” Vic was saying, shaking his head. “It’s not that I think he can handle both, it’s just that it’s something he wants to do.”

“I don’t care if he wants to or not,” Nelson responded. “If it’s too much for him, you need to cut it out, in my opinion. We both know they often want to do things that we don’t agree are the best for them.”

“I don’t think it’s right for him; he’s tired all the time. But, I don’t want to upset him again right off the bat.”

Nelson was shaking his head, “You’re setting a bad precedent, Vic. Don’t you think he realizes it’s not your style? Even Zach knows that, I’m sure.”

Zach thought about what Ben said. “I don’t know… It doesn’t sound like him at all. You could just ask him why he’s allowing it and end the mystery.”

“I don’t want to look like I’m complaining or anything, though,” Ben said.

“Whatever. I’d ask if I wanted to know.”

“I’m not you. Thank God,” Ben said with a smile.

“I wouldn’t lose sleep over Vic letting me do something,” Zach said, ignoring Ben’s jab. “I’d just be glad to be home.”

“I am,” Ben said. “Don’t get me wrong. It just surprises me, that’s all.”

Nelson picked up the salt and added a bit to his sandwich. “Are you planning not to enforce any of the rules you had in place?”

“No, I’m just not sure how to go about enforcing them,” Vic said.

Nelson paused rebuilding his sandwich and looked at Vic. “You need to come to terms with that. You know what works for him as well as he does. You’re sending mixed signals. You’re going to confuse him.”

Ben said to Zach, “It’s just confusing. He never gave a rat’s ass before to whether I’d like his decisions or not. I just can’t believe he’s not pushing back on my work.”

“Is he acting different about anything else you can think of?” Zach asked.

Ben thought about it and said, “I haven’t been home that long, but he hasn’t… well, I’ve been sitting fine the whole time. Not so much as a swat.”

Zach laughed. “So? You’re complaining about that?”

“No! It’s not a complaint. Just an… observation,” he said with an embarrassed flush.

“Have you done anything that would normally cause you not to sit fine?”

“Only one thing. I left my clothes in the floor the other day, and he didn’t say a word. He used to get mad about that because he got sick of picking them up so much.”

“And, I didn’t spank him for that,” Vic said. “It’s something we’ve dealt with time and again. I just picked them up for him and didn’t say anything.”

“You let a repeat issue go without comment?” Nelson asked with disapproval.

“I couldn’t do it, Nelson. What if he got mad and left again?” Vic asked, picking at his salad.

“You can’t let that influence you. What you had before worked. Ben came home expecting things to be the way they were.”

“It’s just not like it used to be,” Ben said. “I didn’t leave my clothes on the floor on purpose, but when I remembered them, they were already picked up when I went back. I couldn’t believe I didn’t get a growl, a swat or anything...worse.”

“He didn’t say anything?” Zach asked. “Would he have before?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ben said. “He would have…”

“…spanked him before?” Nelson asked.

“Yes,” Vic confirmed. “We’ve been over it far too many times. He knows what to expect.”

“Exactly my point. He knew and so did you. You aren’t helping him in any way by letting things go.”

“What if he leaves again?”

“He never left because you spanked him for something,” Nelson pointed out calmly. “That was never the issue.”

Vic shook his head. “Maybe after a little more time, but right now, I’m just afraid to do anything to run him off again. Anything.”

Nelson shook his head. “I think it’s a mistake, but it’s your call, Vic.”

“Just like old times,” Zach said with a smile, taking a seat at the booth they were shown to. “If some people weren’t so stubborn…” he added with a hard look first at Ben then Vic.

“Zach, be nice,” Nelson said, but he grinned at the truth of his partner’s words.

“It’s true,” he said undeterred.

“No one needs you to point that out,” he said.

Vic said, “We both have a bit of a stubborn streak, I’ll admit. That’s the first step to recovery, isn’t it?”

“I’m not stubborn,” Ben said, trying to hide a smile.

Zach opened his mouth to disagree but was interrupted by their waitress. He gave his drink order instead. “Bass,” he ordered.

“Same for me,” Ben said.

Vic and Nelson ordered a beer each, following suit with their partners, and they looked over their menus while they waited for their drinks. The friends swapped stories about their day, chatting easily as they normally would. Zach downed his beer and was ready for another by the time the food came.

“Can I have another?” he asked the waitress, tapping the rim of his glass when she came around to check on them.

“Sure,” she said. “Anyone else?” Vic and Nelson passed but Ben ordered another beer.

After the waitress left, Nelson said to Zach, “That’s the last one, so drink it slow.”

“I’m sure they have more, Nelson. It can’t be the last one.”

“It’s the last one for you,” he clarified.

Ben waited for the same instruction but it didn’t come. After he had finished his second beer, he took a chance and requested a third from the waitress. “Another for me, please,” he said to her.

Vic looked at him, and Ben waited for the hardness he expected in Vic’s gaze but it wasn’t there. After she left to get the third drink, Zach protested to Nelson, “Vic doesn’t care how many Ben has, so why do you care how many I have?”

“How many beers Ben has is not my concern,” he said, looking toward Vic to say what should be said.

Somewhat taking Nelson’s cue, Vic said to Ben, “I don’t think you need a third.”

“I want another one, though,” he said. “Besides, I already ordered it.”

Vic struggled with how to deal with issue and relented saying, “I don’t want to hear it if you feel hungover tomorrow.”

Nelson shot him a look of flat-out disapproval and Zach said, “See? What’s wrong with one more?”

“What do you think is wrong with it?” Nelson asked. Zach crossed his arms and performed a dramatic slump against the back of the seat in answer. “Zach,” Nelson said quietly. “Let’s not do this, please.”

Zach was already stewing over being cut off and the fact that Ben was not, when the waitress surprised him – as well as Vic and Nelson – by sitting beer number four in front of Ben. He had gotten her attention with no one noticing by simply pointing to his empty glass and smiling at her, so all were surprised to see her deliver another frosty mug.

Vic said, “I can’t believe you ordered a fourth beer. You’re going to pay for that later.”

“About time,” Zach grumbled, which earned him a glare from Nelson that he ignored.

Vic continued, “You don’t need another one. You’ll definitely feel it in the morning, if not tonight.”

Realizing he meant a hangover and not a sore behind, Zach sat up and looked at Nelson. “Ben’s had four and I can’t have more than two?”

“Zach, I’d rather not discuss this here…” Nelson began.

“It’s not right, Nelson!” Zach said. Ben grinned at Zach while sipping his fourth, and Vic tried to avoid Nelson’s expression, as well as the smug look Ben was giving Zach. Nelson was obviously not impressed with Vic’s handling of the situation, or with Ben pushing the envelope to order another beer. But, at the moment, his focus was directed on his partner.

“Do we need to step out and chat?” Nelson asked calmly. “I really don’t want to argue about this at the table.”

“No. I don’t have anything else to say right now,” he said bitterly, staring across the table at Ben.

Nelson apparently had something to say because he slipped from the booth without a word and held out his hand toward Zach, inviting him to slip out as well. Too angry to complain, Zach got up and followed him with hard steps that didn’t stamp to his satisfaction with all the noise in the restaurant.

They went outside and Nelson found a quiet spot around the corner of the building. Zach faced him, and didn’t have to wait to hear what was on Nelson’s mind. Nelson began his oration with his back straightened, and his hands on his hips. “Listen. Those two might be struggling right now, but we are not. I said no more beer and I don’t expect to hear arguments out of you about it. Is that clear?”

Missing the warning, or rather, ignoring it, Zach said, “They aren’t struggling. Vic is just being reasonable.”

After making sure they were alone, Nelson took Zach’s arm in a firm grip and his big hand came down in a hard swat against Zach’s khakis. “Cut it out, Zach,” he warned. “Don’t get yourself in trouble tonight over beer. It’s not worth it.”

Zach tried not to rub the spot and give Nelson the satisfaction of knowing it stung as much as it did. “But, you aren’t being fair,” he groused.

“We don’t measure fair by how Vic and Ben deal with things. You should know that by now. I said no more and that’s all you need to concern yourself with.”

“You’re so mean sometimes,” Zach complained. “Why can’t I ever get a break like Vic’s giving Ben?”

“I’m giving you one,” Nelson said. “And, you’re about to lose it if you don’t drop this issue. Right now.”

“I just don’t see why I can’t have another one,” Zach said, continuing to argue. “I’m not a kid. I’m of legal age, you know.”

“Because I said you couldn’t,” Nelson said. The two of them dug in, taking a firm stand on opposite sides of the fence.

“But, that’s not a reason,” Zach said.

“It’s all the reason you need. I’m tired of arguing about this, Zachary. We’re going back in there, and I expect you to watch your tone.”

Seeing he was getting absolutely nowhere, Zach said, “All right. I’ll watch my tone.” He made the mistake of adding, “I should have ordered off the kid’s menu.”

That got him another swat, harder than the first, as he walked away. “I mean it, Zach,” Nelson said behind him. “This is where it ends if you want it to. If you don’t, I can work on that when we get home.”

Zach was no less angry when they returned to the table, and it didn’t help that Ben was looking quite pleased with himself. When the waitress came by to check on them, Zach said, “I’ll take a glass of milk. And, some cookies if you have them.”

After shooting a look at Zach, Nelson said to her, “That’s okay. We’ll just take our check, please.” Too late, Zach realized he might have just crossed the line.

Ben realized it, too, but couldn’t resist ordering again. “I’ll take one more, please.”

“Ben,” Vic said. “Four is enough. More than enough.”

“Just one more, Vic,” he said as a statement, and not a request. He looked at the waitress and said the same thing. “One more, please.”

Instead of fighting Ben, Vic just said, “We don’t have time. We’re going to leave, too. Just bring our check when you bring theirs.” Ben’s stomach started shaking up the beers he had already had, and he wondered if Vic was taking him home for the same reason he assumed Nelson was taking Zach.

She left for the checks, and Zach said, “I’m not ready to go.”

“You’d rather take a walk to the men’s room?” Nelson asked. The simple question carried a heavily-weighted, veiled threat that hung in the air thickly.

“Nelson…”

“It’s up to you, Zach. What’s it going to be?”

Zach’s temper fled in a New York minute and he mumbled, “Home.”

Ben wasn’t looking forward to getting home for the first time since he had moved back in. All the old feelings came flooding back: dread, anxiety, embarrassment, regret…but at least things were getting back to normal. He knew he had pushed it with the beer, and his stomach and head were already letting him know they weren’t happy with him. It was a quiet ride home, and they went inside, neither saying a word, until Vic spoke in the hallway.

“Give me your jacket,” he said. “I’ll hang it up when I hang mine up.” He held out his hand, and Ben looked at him a bit confused at the simple request instead of an order to go to their room. He handed over his jacket and stood uncomfortably in the hallway, waiting to see what Vic would say next. “We should go to bed. You’re going to have a headache in the morning.”

“Go to bed?” Ben asked.

“Aren’t you tired?”

Ben frowned a bit and said, “Just a little. Maybe.”

“I think we should go to bed,” he said. He switched off the hall light, and turned the one on over the stairs instead. He waited for Ben to precede him then followed him up the steps. Ben said nothing as he changed into his shorts and t-shirt, and got ready for bed while Vic did the same. Vic was the last one out of the bathroom and he joined Ben, turning off the lamp, settling with a heavy sigh into the fluffy pillow behind his head. Contrary to their normal routine, Ben didn’t immediately snuggle up to Vic’s chest.

“Come here, Pumpkin,” Vic said. A slight tug on Ben’s arm was all the invitation he needed and he slipped across the mattress to lay his head on Vic’s chest. “How’s your stomach?” he asked.

“Kind of upset a little. I think if I just lay still, I’ll be okay,” Ben said.

“Is the room spinning?”

“A little,” Ben confessed.

“I thought you might not feel well since you were so quiet,” Vic said.

Ben didn’t address Vic’s concern but asked instead, “Do you think Zach got in trouble tonight?”

“I’d bet on it,” Vic said.

Ben lay quietly in the darkness for a moment then asked, “Why, though?”

“You know why,” Vic said. His arms felt just right wrapped around Ben’s shoulders, even if his behavior was off a bit.

“Because he was being a smart aleck,” Ben said. “But, Nelson was being a jerk.”

“Nelson was doing what he thought was right.”

“How do you figure?” Ben asked.

“I figure Nelson loves him enough not to let him drink more than he should. Nelson dealt with that the way he thought best. Zach didn’t have any business drinking more than he drank, and neither did you. You’ll pay a price for that tomorrow.”

So, he would be spanked in the morning. That made sense. Ben was sure Vic must want all his senses clear when he let the hammer fall. Ben swallowed hard then said, “I… I will?”

"You better believe you will. You’ll have one heck of a hangover. I hope that will teach you not to do that again in the future when I tell you not to.”

Had the lights been on, Vic would have seen the look of utter surprise on his partner’s face. “That’s… that’s all?” Ben asked.

Vic could tell by the question it wasn’t what Ben expected. He said, “You’re liable to throw up tonight before it’s all said and done. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised since you aren’t used to drinking that much. Drinking four Bass isn’t exactly like drinking four Coronas.” The pronouncement sounded as lame in Vic’s ears as it did in Ben’s, but he still couldn’t bring himself to rectify the situation any other way. Not just yet.

Ben frowned in the darkness, wondering what was causing the 180 in his partner.

“Hey, Zach. What’s up today?” Ben asked the next day.

Zach said through the phone, “Not much. What are you doing?”

“Nothing. This is Nelson’s Saturday to work, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“We thought so. Vic said you should come over and go swimming with us. There’s no sense in you sitting home alone all day,” Ben suggested. Zach hedged and Ben said, “Come on, Zach. Vic said we could order pizza tonight for when Nelson gets off. It’s too damn hot to sit around all day.”

“Not in the air conditioning, it isn’t,” Zach replied. “But, I’ll ask Nelson and call you back.”

An hour later, Zach was at Ben and Vic’s wearing his trunks under his shorts and tank top. Vic asked, “Everyone have on sunscreen?” as Zach stripped down to his trunks in the kitchen.

Vic was spreading a healthy coat on himself, but looked at the boys for confirmation while he did it. Zach nodded and rolled his eyes at the same time. Ben said, “I didn’t. I don’t want to.”

Zach’s eyes went wide and he looked over at Ben with his mouth hanging open. Vic said, “Put it on, Ben,” holding the bottle out to him.

“No. I don’t want to,” Ben said. For the first time since he came home, Ben found himself whirled around in a familiar motion, and then a quick swat landed against his trunks.

“I said to put it on, Ben,” Vic said, indicating the bottle he just placed on the kitchen table.

“I don’t want to,” Ben repeated. Although his cheeks were burning from being swatted in front of Zach, he continued to push.

“Zach, go on outside. We’ll be there in a minute,” Vic said ominously, never taking his eyes off Ben. Zach left the tense scene and, while curious as to how it would end, was not inclined to do anything that would shift Vic’s attention to him.

As soon as Zach had left the room, Vic said, “When did you decide it was okay to say ‘no’ to me?” Ben glared holes in the linoleum and shrugged slightly. “Please answer me.”

“I can’t answer you. I don’t know the answer,” he said.

“Are you showing off for Zach?” Vic asked.

“N-nooo,” Ben replied.

Vic pulled out a chair then took Ben’s wrist and led him to it. Ben struggled to pull away from him, and Vic stopped. He lifted Ben’s chin that had tipped down when Vic faced him. “I’m not going to spank you,” Vic said, recognizing the reason behind the struggles.

“You aren’t?” Ben asked suspiciously.

“No, I’m not.” Ben followed Vic with uncertainty, and allowed him to sit him down in the waiting chair. Vic said, “I just want you to put the sunscreen on, that’s all. Without arguing with me about it.”

“But, I don’t want to,” Ben said again. “I’m as white as a ghost.”

Vic said, “Ben. You aren’t swimming without it. I mean it.”

“What if I still want to swim?” Ben asked.

“That will be too bad because you won’t.”

“You’re going to make me stay in the house?”

“I hope I won’t have to,” Vic said.

“What will you do?”

Vic thought about it with no quick answer. He still struggled between doing what he knew he needed to do and what his heart told him could push Ben away again. “I’ll think of something.”

Ben stood up suddenly from his seat and looked down at Vic. “You’re still mad at me for leaving, aren’t you?” he asked angrily.

Vic started shaking his head as he stood. “What are you talking about, Benji? I’m not mad. I never was. Hurt, yes. Mad, no.”

“Then why aren’t you acting right?” Ben said. His temper was on the rise and the blood gathered in his neck and face to complement the emotion.

“I don’t understand,” Vic said. His brows knit together in confusion.

“You… you just… oh, never mind!” Ben said, frustrated.

Vic put his arms around Ben, and pulled him close. He said in his ear, “I’m trying to work this out, Benji. I don’t want to push you away again.”

Ben started to choke up, hearing again the regret in Vic’s voice for his part in the short breakup. Vic felt him shudder and pulled him away to see his face. “What’s the matter?” Vic asked, suddenly afraid Ben might be second-guessing his decision to return home.

“Nothing,” Ben said. He wiped at his eyes daring the tears that threatened to fall. “Let’s just go out, okay?”

“Hey,” Vic said, lifting Ben’s chin. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Benjamin.”

“What?” he asked.

“I’m NOT angry. Do you believe me?” Vic pled.

“Yeah, can we please go out now?” Ben said wearily. “Zach is probably wondering where we are.”

Vic picked up the sunscreen off the kitchen table, and handed it to Ben with a lingering look. “After you put this on.”

Sick of arguing about it, Ben snatched the sunscreen, and put on a thin coat to shut Vic up and end the uncomfortable situation. They were on their way out the backdoor when the phone rang, and Vic turned back to answer it. “I’ll get it. Don’t you and Zach have too much fun without me.”

Ben nodded and went out to the pool to find Zach doing a lazy backstroke. With his ears filled with water, he never heard Ben come out, and only realized he was there when the water stirred. He tilted up and saw Ben draping himself crosswise over a raft in the water. “That was fast. How are you?” Zach asked.

“Fine,” Ben said sullenly, with his chin propped on his arms that were folded on the bed of the raft.

“He must not have given it to you too bad,” Zach said, noting Ben’s eyes weren’t tinged red.

“He didn’t give me anything,” Ben said, “but a hard time.”

“You’re kidding.”

Ben shook his head and swirled around in circles through the water. “Nope.”

Zach couldn’t believe what he had heard. Then he added, prodding for details, “Maybe he felt sorry for you since you just got it for last night?”

“I didn’t get it for last night, either,” Ben said never pausing his lazy twirling.

“What?! I can’t believe it. I got in trouble for ordering milk and cookies and you didn’t get anything for ordering four beers?” Zach was standing up straight in the water, indignation on his face. “No, I take that back. You ordered five beers, you only got, and DRANK four.”

“Nelson laid into you last night?” Ben asked.

Zach rolled his eyes. “I had to write some stupid nursery rhyme, like a bazillion times. He said I shouldn’t mind since I acted like a kid last night.”

Ben laughed, perking up at Nelson’s creativity. “That’s priceless. Which one? And, don’t tell me you don’t remember after writing it ‘a bazillion times’.”

“Never mind. I can’t believe you got off scot-free,” Zach said, changing the subject back to Ben’s troubles.

“Vic’s not acting right,” Ben said. “Something’s still wrong.”

“I’ll say he isn’t acting right. I wish Nelson wouldn’t act so right all the time.”

“Do you think he’s not happy I came back?” Ben looked at Zach for his opinion and stopped moving. “Maybe I hurt him so much he doesn’t want me anymore.”

Zach splashed water on Ben with the heel of his hand. “Don’t even start. He’s so happy since you came home, I don’t know how you could even ask that crap.”

“Then what’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s so happy he can’t get chappy?”

“I don’t think that’s it,” Ben said.

“Here we go again,” Zach said. “You have to TALK, moron. Didn’t you two realize that was part of the problem?”

“Yeah,” Ben agreed despondently. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“You can’t say anything right now; he’s coming,” Zach said after noticing Vic striding across the lawn. The two fell quiet.

“Did I miss anything?” Vic asked slipping into the water. He swam across to Ben and pulled him from the raft, dunking him in the water.

Nelson had come over according to plan in time for some pizza. He and Vic cleaned up what little there was to clean in the kitchen while Zach and Ben played a game of Zuma on the computer.

“I’ve got to do something,” Vic said. “Just the way he acted today… He asked if I was still mad at him. I’ve tried hard not to do anything that would even remotely make him think that.”

“What prompted the question?” Nelson asked from across the kitchen. He tossed the napkins in the trash while he waited to hear from Vic.

“He didn’t want to put sunscreen on today,” Vic said with a grimace.

“So?” Nelson asked, straightening up from the trashcan. He put his hands on his hips and looked at Vic expectantly.

“So… he told me ‘no’ in front of Zach.”

“And you did what?” Nelson asked. Vic wiped off the table, and didn’t answer right away. “Or, what didn’t you do?” he asked after noticing Vic’s hesitation.

“I just swatted him, okay? That’s all I would have done anyway but then he still refused. He wanted to know what I was going to do about it.”

“And, your answer was…?”

“I told him I would…” Vic said, then stopped when he remembered what a weak answer it was. “Never mind.”

“Did you tell him you’d spank him, Vic?” Vic shook his head, still wiping the tabletop that was long ago clean. “Would you have before at that point?”

Vic stopped wiping and looked up at Nelson. “Oh, yeah. But, now…” he paused to shake out the crumbs captured in the dish cloth into the sink. “I told you I won’t do anything to chase him away. Not again.”

“Listen to what you just told me. Ben is practically asking you to act like you normally would. He’s testing you. He knows as well as you do what you would have done before.”

“You don’t understand, Nelson.” He turned his back on his friend under the guise of putting the wet dishrag across the edge of sink to dry.

“I do understand. Things happened. That’s over now, and the best thing you two can do is to get things back to normal before Ben does something to really get your attention. I don’t suppose you dealt with his drinking last night, either.”

“I couldn’t take it if he left again,” Vic said, confirming Nelson’s suspicions.

Nelson pulled out a kitchen chair for Vic, then one for himself. He waited for Vic to sit down, before taking a seat beside him. “Am I in for one of your lectures I keep hearing about?” Vic asked.

“Yes, I’m afraid you are.”

Vic sighed and folded his arms over the table. “Let’s get to it, then.”

“At what point was discipline blamed for your break-up?” Nelson asked, barreling straight into the lecture. “I think I missed that part.”

“It wasn’t. He never said a word about that. It was all about Reese, me working too much, and not spending enough time with Ben.”

“Okay, then I’m straight on the facts. Have you gotten to the bottom of why those things would be big enough to Ben to make him leave?”

Vic looked a bit confused. “I thought you said you got the facts straight. He was obviously jealous.”

Nelson shook his head. “Why? You’ve never given him a reason to be. I just think it’s more than that. Too easy.”

“Really?”

“Really. And, the fact that the two of you are still having issues, while of a different sort, tells me that you have plenty that is still unresolved. You obviously don’t know why he really left or you wouldn’t be hesitating to discipline him.” Vic was listening intently, thinking about what he was hearing. “It never made him leave before, so why do you think it would make him leave now?”

Vic asked, “Nelson, when were you spanked last?”

“Why? Do you think I need it?” he asked with a grin.

“No. I think you’ve forgotten it isn’t pleasant. I want him happy,” Vic said.

“And, you think he’ll be happy with you removing boundaries that clearly made his life better when you added them?”

Vic put his head in his hands. “If I add them back and he leaves again, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“You have to quit focusing on what might happen. He’s already testing the limits, and probably wonders why they aren’t there any longer.”

“I need to talk to him about it,” Vic said, looking back at Nelson. “We swore we wouldn’t let lack of communication be an issue for us again. But, here we are, doing it.”

“You need to take the lead here, Vic. Get any issues out into the open, right out on the table. Don’t stop with what’s on the surface. Dig down deep.”

“I know. I’ll do it.”

“When?” Nelson pressed for commitment.

“I’ll do it tonight.”

Nelson nodded his approval. “I think that’s a wise decision.”

“Does that mean the lecture is over?” Vic asked hopefully.

Nelson squeezed Vic’s shoulder. “I’m done with you since I have your word to talk to him about this. Tonight.”

“Thank God,” Vic said. “You were already lecturing before I sat down. You’re brutal.”

Nelson laughed and said, “I haven’t spanked you yet.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Vic said with a grimace.

Vic and Ben had been watching television since Zach and Nelson left. Ben was sitting more to himself, and Vic leaned up to turn the television off. “What are you doing?” Ben asked.

“We need to talk,” Vic said.

Ben’s stomach clenched. Here it was. Vic was about to tell him what he feared. “What’s wrong?” he asked with a cold sensation spreading through his insides.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Vic said, seeing Ben tense. He put a reassuring hand to Ben’s knee and squeezed it gently. “I just need to talk to you about something.”

“What?”

“When you left…” Vic began then faltered.

“I knew it!” Ben snapped. The cold in his belly was suddenly replaced with heat. “You’re still fucking mad at me! I thought we cleared all this up! And, we agreed to talk about our problems!”

“Hold it, Benjamin,” Vic said with the sternness Ben not only recognized but also responded to. “That is exactly what I want to do; discuss something on my mind. We need to talk withOUT cursing.”

“Well, you obviously are still mad at me,” he said a little less heatedly. “You aren’t acting right.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, but I won’t have you cursing at me,” Vic said.

“Then talk!” Ben said.

“Benjamin David. Calm down. I don’t know why you’re so angry. There’s no need to be,” Vic said.

“DON’T tell me how to feel!” he said, his hazel eyes flashing.

“I’m not telling you how to feel. You can be angry without being disrespectful,” Vic said, his own temper starting to flare. “You can stop snarling at me, right now.”

Ben was immediately reminded of how Vic handled snarling in the old days with his descriptor of Ben’s actions. It was painfully obvious to Ben that he no longer felt the same as he did before. “Fine! You want to talk then TALK,” he snarled as best he could.

“That’s what I intend to do. Not talking is how things got out of control before. We agreed not to let that happen again, so I need to tell you what’s been on my mind,” Vic said. He watched Ben’s face for a reaction but simply got the same hard glare he had been given earlier.

“I know what’s been on your mind. You’re pissed,” Ben said acidly. “You wish I hadn’t come home.”

“That is nowhere near the truth and you know it.” Vic saw the signs of his partner gearing up for an argument, and that was not his intention. He wanted to have a calm discussion, not a heated exchange, but he knew Ben well enough to know that was exactly what was going to happen.

“If you aren’t going to be honest about it, I have nothing to say!” Ben said. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Wait! Benjamin, we need to talk about this,” Vic said as Ben turned to leave. Ben stamped away, resisting the urge to say, “bite me”, and continued on his way.

Vic watched incredulously as Ben disappeared up the stairs, stomping out his anger with each step. He went back to the sofa and sat down wearily, laying his head on the back of the couch. He was considerably relieved to hear the shower start, using the time to get his own temper and thoughts under control. His first attempt to talk was a crash and burn, but he planned to make the second one a success. He resolved himself to the fact that they would get the air cleared if it took all night. He only hoped the shower would give Ben time to cool his temper down so they could have a conversation. He kept an ear out for the shower to finish, so he could try again.

Ben’s shower was short, and Vic started to go upstairs to have the talk they needed to have. He stopped halfway up the stairs when he saw Ben coming toward him on his way down. Ben grumbled as he passed by, twisting his shoulder away from Vic, “I’m thirsty.”

Vic shook his head behind Ben and followed him through to the living room. “Come back in here after you fix your drink so we can finish our talk.”

“I’m going to bed,” Ben said.

“We aren’t going to go to bed mad. Come back in here after you’ve gotten something to drink,” Vic repeated.

“Fine. I’d hate to make you grumpy,” he added with a definite air of sarcasm. Vic watched Ben’s back as he went to the kitchen and knew instinctively the evening was only going to get worse. The shower had done nothing to calm Ben as he had hoped it would.

He paced the living room, working out his frustrations, while he waited for Ben. It was taking far too long for Ben to fix a drink, so Vic decided to follow him into the kitchen. He walked through the door and the thick smell of smoke hammered his senses. His mind cleared, although the smoke did not, as his eyes settled on Ben with a glass of water in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Ben purposely put the cigarette to his lips after he saw Vic come in, and took a long, slow drag through the filter. That was the last straw. Vic’s temper snapped, seeing Ben so willfully do something he knew for a fact was off limits ANYwhere, right in their house, and doing it in such a way as to get Vic’s attention. He had it. Undivided.

Vic marched over to Ben and snatched the cigarette from between his lips and tossed it into the glass, putting it out with a fizzle-sizz when it hit the water. He grabbed the glass Ben held, and sat it firmly on the counter. He tried not to cough in the smoke Ben released too close to his face.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Vic growled.

“What does it look like? And, those things are expensive you just wasted…” Ben said calmly.

"It ends here, Benjamin! It ends right here and now!” Vic clamped his hand onto Ben’s upper arm and proceeded to haul him from the sink toward the kitchen table.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked with panic creeping into his voice.

“What does it look like?”

Ben started to squirm in Vic’s grip, and tried to pry his arm out of the fingers firmly attached to his bicep. “Wait, Vic! Stop it!”

“I don’t want to hear it, Benjamin. You KNOW how I feel about smoking. AND, you know what happens when you do it. We dealt with this when you first moved in here.” Vic stopped abruptly and turned Ben to face him. “I only wanted to talk to you tonight about the discipline that has been missing since you came home, but it is clearly obvious that we are beyond talking about it at this point.”

“What do you mean?” Ben asked cautiously.

“I mean I’ve been wrong to assume I should wait for the dust to settle to do what I should do. I’ll rectify that immediately.” He walked with purpose toward the drawer where they kept the paddle and stopped abruptly in mid-stride when Ben spoke again.

“No,” he said clearly but without the conviction he meant to convey. He backed up a step when it became clear that negating Vic’s wishes was no longer going to work.

Vic approached Ben as soon as the word left his mouth, leaving the trail to the paddle drawer. “And, that’s going to stop, too, young man!” Just to be sure Ben got the message, Vic smacked him through his cotton shorts with one swat per word in his sentence. “You don’t tell me ‘no’.” Five swats through thin fabric stung like a bitch against a moist backside, even with a layer of protection.

“But, I don’t want you to…” Ben stammered. “I didn’t mean...”

“I’m going to quit not handling things the way I used to, regardless of what you meant or wanted by what you did.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Ben asked again.

“I mean, when you disobey me from here on out, OR tell me ‘no’, or SMOKE, you will find your pants down with your butt directed at the ceiling, and your nose pointed at the carpet. Does that clarify what I meant?”

“B-but, why?” Ben asked.

“Because it works, that’s why, and because I love you too much not to do it. I’ve been walking on eggshells around here, worrying that I’m going to do that ONE thing to drive you over the edge again. That was my mistake, and certainly not fair to you.”

“It was fair! I swear! Let’s just go back to the way it used to be starting tomorrow. Okay?! Tomorrow!”

Vic’s hands traveled by nature to his hips and he said, “Oh, we’ll continue it tomorrow, but we start tonight.”

“No, Vic! Don’t,” Ben said. “You’re still mad at me for leaving.”

“No, I’m not. I was never mad; I was HURT. And, I haven’t been mad since you came home. I HAVE been afraid of losing you again.” Tears sprang to Ben’s eyes upon hearing that he had hurt Vic. One tear spilled over and down his cheek before he could wipe it away.

Ben said with a tremulous voice, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t know you thought I would leave again.”

“Well, I did. I’ve been scared to death of it, and that was a mistake.” Vic said, “I’m human, Ben. I do make mistakes. But, I’m a quick study. I won’t make this one again, I can promise you.” Vic turned back in the direction of the towel drawer, and Ben watched him move the towels aside to reach the dreaded implement. Ben cringed when Vic pulled out something that was not the paddle. He held up the partially empty pack of Marlboro Lights so Ben could see them.

Vic knew when he saw it that, whether Ben wanted to or not, he was sending a clear message by hiding them in that drawer of all places. “Is this all of them?” he asked.

“Y-yes, sir,” Ben answered with the only appropriate response he knew.

Vic walked over to the trashcan and proceeded to not simply pitch the cigarettes, but to tear them up by handfuls to ensure they would pose no further threat to his brat or anyone else. He went back to the drawer he had left standing open, moving the towels aside once again. He took out the paddle and headed back to the table, with a set look on his face that made Ben squirm in spite of himself. The scraping sound of wood against linoleum turned Ben’s stomach to lead when Vic pulled out a kitchen chair. Vic proceeded to assume the position, laying the paddle on the table behind him within easy reach, then looked over at Ben with expectation in his eyes.

“Wait a second, Vic,” Ben said when Vic stretched his hand out toward him. He twisted the edge of his t-shirt in his hands nervously and tried futilely to get out of the trouble he had so expertly designed. “I didn’t mean it.”

“You can’t not mean to smoke, Benjamin. It’s a conscious decision and takes effort to do it. It doesn’t happen by accident, and this is apparently not something new for you lately since you conveniently had them on hand, and the pack was not full.” Vic didn’t look or sound swayed in the least, and his hand didn’t waver from being offered to Ben. “Come here, right now. If I have to come and get you…”

“Can’t we start fresh tomorrow? Please?” he tried. He was willing to push it to the max on the slight chance he would get out of this unscathed. “We were still having some adjustment troubles!”

“Consider us adjusted. Come here,” Vic said with a snap of his fingers and a tone of finality. “I won’t tell you again.”

Ben was suddenly wishing for post-break-up Vic, who didn’t spank, with it now terribly close and about to happen, and with the paddle of all things. “Please, Vic. I wasn’t trying to get you to spank me. I didn’t think I was anyway,” he said with a slow step in Vic’s direction. He knew better than to push it much more with the “I won’t tell you again” ultimatum.

“I think it is fairly obvious that is exactly what you were doing. Especially with the place you picked to hide your cigarettes. Hurry up,” he said with another snap.

“Nooooo,” Ben said, knowing full well that was exactly where he was going, intentionally or not. His next step was one in the opposite direction, backing up away from Vic, his face showing signs of distress. Vic rose up from the chair long enough to take Ben’s hand, grab the paddle and swat him a few times through his shorts.

“I said to come to me, and stop telling me ‘no’.” Vic was determined Ben would come to him on his own accord, so he left him standing with a hand to his rump, and went back across the kitchen to the waiting chair. He looked at Ben and waited, upon sitting back down. Ben realized the moment had come, so his feet made the arduous walk of five feet over to his lover.

As soon as Ben was beside him, Vic proceeded to reach under the hem of Ben’s t-shirt, and his fingers found the elastic of his shorts. Ben felt the shorts slide roughly over his hips and past his thighs then Vic pulled his underwear down to hang with them around his knees. Having just showered, the air felt more cool than usual against the fleshy part of his backside that was uncovered by the bottom of his shirt. Goosebumps sprang to the surface of his skin on his rear end either from his nerves or the cool air, he couldn’t tell which, and didn’t really care. He knew they would be chased away soon enough only to be replaced by a sting and burn in the near future.

With his ass bare and ready for punishment, Vic promptly pulled at his wrist to encourage him over his lap. As Ben found himself glaring at the pattern of the linoleum, he thought the Surgeon General should be the one getting spanked for not adding an additional warning: cigarette smoking could result in difficulty sitting, red backsides, and angry partners. He groped for the rungs on the bottom of the chair, and squeezed his eyes closed just before Vic started spanking with fervor.

“You do NOT smoke, young man,” he said as his hand whacked against Ben’s butt repeatedly. “Never. Not EVER! Is that perfectly clear?” Even given the break, Vic didn’t seem the least bit out of practice, nor did he seem anywhere near stopping. Like riding a bike, he fell right back into the role he played prior to the break up, and Ben’s face contorted as he tried not to cry. “I thought we cleared that up LONG ago. Didn’t we?”

Ben’s throat tightened and his chest began to burn - not quite as hot as his backside was becoming, but burn nonetheless. It felt like his butt was totally isolated, getting more than enough attention from Vic, and he hadn’t even started with the paddle. He tried to talk, and choked out what Vic wanted to hear and what he sincerely meant. “YES! YES, siiiiir!” He felt his legs begin to jerk involuntarily with each swat, and the tears choking him finally tore free. “PLEASE, stop!” he cried.

“I WON’T have it, Ben,” he fussed, ignoring Ben’s begging. “You WILL follow our rules or be punished. And, THAT,” he said with a hard punctuating smack, “young man, is a promise.”

After thoroughly bringing Ben’s butt to dark pink, he paused long enough to pick up the paddle. Ben felt Vic’s body shift beneath him when he reached to get the paddle off the table, and he started to squirm in earnest. “NO! Viiiiic! Don’t!” Ben spoke short one-word pleas around his sobs, not able to get more than that out at the moment. He had already had more than enough in his estimation, and he silently swore off cigarettes for the rest of his life. He reached his hand around back and tried to protect his hot behind, all the while trying to get off Vic’s lap.

Despite Ben’s struggles, Vic was able to hold him over his knees without much effort, keeping his left arm wrapped around Ben’s waist, and his hand clamped to the outside of Ben’s hip. With the paddle poised where it needed to be, Vic said, “Move your hand, Benjamin.”

“I ca-caaaan’t,” he bawled. “Don’t pa-paddle me! Please!”

“Move it now, Benjamin,” Vic demanded.

“Please, Vic!”

“ONE!” Vic roared. Knowing Vic could have something worse than a paddling in mind if he got to three, Ben reluctantly moved his hand out of the way, just wanting to get the awful experience over with. “Now, keep your hands on the floor or on the chair, I don’t care which, just keep them from back here, and out of my way.”

Without more warning, Vic brought the paddle down over and over, increasing the pink cheeks to red. Ben cried harder over Vic’s knees, struggling against the swats. He had given up by the time Vic put the paddle down, and he lay over Vic’s lap flaccidly, spent from emotion as well as from the effort of crying.

After a few minutes, Vic helped Ben up and went to pull his shorts back into place, until Ben protested. “Hurts,” Ben hiccupped, stepping out of his shorts and underwear that were, by now, at his ankles.

Vic reconsidered his decision to put Ben in the corner, changing his mind when Ben clutched at him after he kicked off his shorts. He felt the more important thing at the moment was for them to be together, and they didn’t need the separation of the corner. Vic held him and let him cry it out, until he was settled down to sniffles. He pulled Ben back and ran his fingers through Ben’s hair that was still damp from his shower. He kissed each cheek and took in the swollen eyes in front of him. He helped Ben to the sink and turned the cold water on. “Rinse your face, sweetheart,” Vic said. He picked up a towel and gently wiped at the water and tearstains on Ben’s cheeks, drying them both away. “Time to go upstairs,” Vic said. “I believe you were on your way to bed before all this happened.”

The tears started again, and Ben said around them, “I don’t want to.”

“That’s a round about way of saying ‘no’, Benjamin,” Vic said tenderly. “I meant it when I said that was going to stop.”

“But, I just want to be with you,” Ben cried.

Vic put his arms around him and held him close. “Stop crying, Pumpkin. I’m coming up with you. I’m not leaving you alone.”

They went upstairs together, and Ben crawled on top of the covers. Once he was settled on the bed, Vic kicked off his shoes and stretched out beside Ben, who was lying on his stomach. Vic started running his fingers through his hair, while he spoke. “I know I was wrong not dealing with things and letting you off the hook since you came home. But, I thought you might leave again.”

“I’m not leaving again,” Ben said through a stuffy nose. “I didn’t think you cared about me as much as before.”

“You’re complaining because I didn’t spank you?” Vic asked with a disbelieving smile.

“No, I’m not complaining,” Ben said in a hurry. “But, even you said Nelson wasn’t being a jerk because he loves Zach so much. You didn’t care what I did.”

“That’s not true. I cared, but I was afraid to do what I knew I should do.” Ben’s own fears were evident by the comparison he drew, and Vic couldn’t help but remember the words of his friend. He wished he had listened sooner rather than cause Ben more confusion and insecurity. “I was going to talk to you about it tonight but you made me see really quickly how much I needed to do what I already knew needed to be done. I should have never sent you the message that I didn’t care.”

“I just didn’t understand why you were acting different,” Ben said. “But, it wasn’t like I was going to ASK you to do anything, either.”

“From here on out, your behavior will ask for it whether your mouth does or not. By the way, I’d like you to quit that job, too. You’re far too tired all the time, and I prefer you not have any distractions from school.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Ben said with a heavy sigh of relief.

Vic smiled at the response. He said, “And, don’t expect me to let things go again. I won’t stand by any longer and do nothing when I think you need correcting.”

Something about Vic’s determination was reassuring to Ben, but “thank you” didn’t seem to be the right thing to say. He said instead, “I just want things to be like they were before everything happened.”

“Except we’ll be talking more. You can count on it,” Vic promised. “I hope I don’t have to prove to you that other things will be back to normal,” he said with a gentle pat to Ben’s bare, red backside, “because your bottom will be raw.”

“WILL be?” Ben asked with a blush.

Vic smiled and kissed his head. “We’ll survive. All of us, including your butt. But, I promise, I won’t kill either one of you.”

“My butt said to tell you he’s not buying it right now.”

“He needs to tell you to behave, and he won’t have to worry about it. If you thought I didn’t care because I let you by with things, you won’t be wondering about that again any time soon.” He leaned over and kissed Ben’s moist cheek, and things finally felt like they should again.

Vic moved Ben enough to reach the quilt at the foot of the bed when he felt Ben shiver beside him. He pulled it up to them, cuddling Ben close to his chest while draping the blanket over him. “We still have some things to talk about. I’m not sure we got to the real reason you left,” he said when they were settled again. Ben didn’t answer, but wrapped his arms more tightly around Vic. “Benjamin? Do you have anything else on your mind? We promised to talk things out better in the future, remember?”

“I remember,” he said.

“Well?” Vic urged. When Ben still remained quiet, Vic said, “Another thing that’s going to change is I’m going to be a pit bull about getting things out of you. If I have to dig for days to get to the bare bones, that’s what I’ll do. I won’t give up so easily in the future until you get the hang of it.” He paused and Ben said nothing beyond snuggling closer. “Do I need to start digging?”

“No. I was just jealous, I guess,” Ben admitted. “We talked about that already.”

“But, I have never been unfaithful to you. I don’t lie to you. Why would you be jealous enough to leave?” Vic asked gently.

“I don’t know…” Ben said.

“Okay, time to dig. Why don’t we start with how you were feeling? Were you mad? Hurt? What?”

Ben thought about it and said, “That’s hard to answer.”

“But, necessary. Think about it.” The room went quiet again while Vic waited to hear what Ben was thinking, and Ben tried to work up the courage to say what had so plagued his mind.

After several minutes of silence, Ben said, “I was…I was afraid, I guess.”

“Of what?” Vic asked curiously.

“Afraid I’d lost my only real home.”

Vic frowned and pushed against the pillows, twisting his head around to see Ben. Ben’s eyes traveled up to those exploring him, and Vic said, “What do you mean, Sweetheart?”

“Well, I never… I just feel like… you’re the only family I have,” Ben stammered, dropping his eyes. “I thought you were different than my real family, but then Reese came...”

Knowing the relationship, or lack of one, that Ben had with his mother, his heart rent with Ben’s words. “Benji, I love being your family. I love you.”

Ben swallowed and said quietly, “My dad was a prick… according to my mother, when she took the time to talk to me and not work. I can’t even remember him.” His eyes sought Vic’s.

Vic felt the pain in Ben’s voice, and he hugged him hard. Without meaning to, he thought Ben just hit on the root of the problem. Jealousy WAS only part of it. Guilt washed over Vic in a wave as he realized every person who personified “family” to Ben had put him second. Vic had no plans of joining those ranks. “Oh, Benji. I’m so sorry all this happened. No wonder it hurt you so much for me to spend time with Reese.”

“What?” Ben asked in confusion. “Because my Dad left my Mom and me for a blonde?” He started shaking his head. “I don’t think of you as my father, Vic.” Repulsion showed on his face as he spoke.

Vic laughed softly and said, “I certainly hope not. I meant because he left you then you and your mom hardly speak… I don’t want that kind of relationship with you. That’s not my idea of family. I want you to be able to depend on me to be there. Always.”

“I thought I could, but…” he started, “I don’t know. I just thought with Reese…, I guess maybe I thought it was happening again. Par for the course.”

“Never,” Vic said, raising Ben’s chin to look at him. “I’m not your parents. I would never, under any circumstances, leave you.”

“I know. My life before you isn’t your fault. I couldn’t help how I felt.”

Vic said with conviction, “I love you and consider you my partner for life. I mean that. I couldn’t have that sort of relationship with you if I left, could I?”

“I know. And, I don’t mean for you to pay for my sorry family. I guess it might have had something to do with how I felt about Reese. I didn’t see it before.” Ben said. He frowned and looked down, away from Vic’s eyes.

“Hey, you know what?”

“What?”

“My family is not like yours. My concept of family is how I plan for us to be. Always there, always coming first. Just like in this situation,” Vic explained. “I dumped Reese’s case as soon as you pointed out it was a problem. You are number one to me. Always. But, I can be distracted by work, and you know that. I need to depend on you to point it out immediately if I lose my focus.”

“Me? You mean you can’t tell?” Ben asked curiously.

Vic laughed. “Obviously not. Like I said earlier, I’m human. I make mistakes, too, you know.”

Ben hugged him hard again. “Thanks for being real. I’ll keep you as honest as I can.”

“Thank you,” Vic felt a surge of relief mingled with the hurt for his partner’s past.

Ben grinned and looked up at Vic, “Do I get to spank you when you lose your focus?”

Vic winked at him and said, “I don’t think so.”

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” Ben said and settled back against Vic’s shoulder. “I can’t even picture that anyway. Ick.”

“Good,” Vic laughed. “On a serious note,” he said, “you can rest assured I plan to never betray you or leave you, Benjamin. Distracted or not. That’s a promise.” Raising Ben’s chin up again for eye contact, he added, “You hear me?”

Ben looked into Vic’s dark eyes and saw the determination there that he had grown to love and rely on. “I hear you.” Vic tipped his head down and kissed the lips turned up to him, hard and passionately. Ben smiled at Vic when his lips were released, and said, “You’re just full of promises tonight, aren’t you?”

Vic grinned at him and said with a light pat to Ben’s backside through the quilt, “And, I meant every one of them.”

“Looks like you finally got the hang of peeling cucumbers,” Zach said, observing Ben’s work. “Have you been practicing?”

Ben smiled and shook his head, trying to concentrate on what he was doing. Zach said, “I love Memorial Day. No gifts, but a freebie day off for everyone, and cookouts.”

“Me, too,” Ben said.

Zach was leaning into the refrigerator to get the hamburger fixings, shifting his butt as he hummed to himself. He turned from the fridge and noticed Ben wince a bit when he took a seat at the table. Zach grinned with the information. “Did you get in trouble finally?” he asked nosily.

Ben’s face burned with embarrassment and he admitted, “Yeah. This morning.”

“’Bout damn time,” Zach said, pulling out a chair across from him. “So, Vic is acting ‘normal’ again, huh?”

Despite the throb in his backside, Ben smiled and said, “Yes, he is. A little too normal. He’s been all over my case lately. And, not just THAT way, either. We talk…a lot…”

“God, I hope he isn’t talking as much as Nelson!” Zach laughed. “But, I’m glad the two of you are talking.”

“Yeah,” Ben agreed, “me, too. But, it’s not easy for me, you know?”

“I don’t have any trouble talking,” Zach laughed.

Ben laughed with him and said, “Don’t I know it! I’m getting better at it, though.”

“What finally made him snap beyond ‘talking’?” Zach asked, scraping the lettuce he had shredded into a bowl.

“If I tell you, I’ll just have to listen to you yap about being right,” Ben said.

Zach tapped his knife thoughtfully against the cutting board then suddenly pointed it across the table at Ben. “The smoking! I told you when you started doing that again he would burst a blood vessel. How did he find out?”

“I did it in the house,” Ben said with a crooked grin, his face flushing again with the memory.

“In the house?!” Zach said laughing. “You are one brave soul either that, or one extremely stupid soul. Were you attempting suicide?”

“Shut up,” Ben muttered.

“When did that happen?”

“A few weeks ago.”

Zach threw a chunk of lettuce across the table hitting his target easily. “You didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to start spanking me if I don’t tell you everything, too.”

Zach grinned and said, “Spanking for details. That’s me!”

“Well, I didn’t want to tell you,” Ben said, brushing the lettuce nonchalantly from his shirt. “It’s not exactly something I like to talk about.”

Zach could understand that, but, “This is big, though,” he said. “He hadn’t spanked you since you got home no matter what you did.” He remembered Ben’s comment about Vic being all over him and asked, “Are you wishing he went back to being that way now?”

Ben shifted a bit on the hard seat, with only an inch of cushion to pad his tender behind, trying to get comfortable and distribute his weight differently. He gave up and stood to finish with the cucumber, leaning over the table with one knee in the chair. “I’m not looking to get in trouble, but things feel… right again.”

Vic and Nelson came in the kitchen with a plate full of hamburgers, interrupting the conversation. Vic came around the table and kissed Ben from behind on the tender part of his neck just behind his ear. “Ready to eat?”

Ben laughed and pulled away. “That tickles.”

Zach was checking out the burgers on the plate Nelson held, inspecting them before he gave his approval. “Did you remember to put cheese on mine?” he asked looking through the patties.

Nelson pushed his hand away and said with a laugh, “Of course, I did, Zachary. I wouldn’t want to hear you complaining, now would I?” Zach poked his tongue out playfully at Nelson and finished throwing the salad together.

Vic nuzzled Ben’s neck even more, making Ben have to put the knife and cucumber down to fend him off. “Quit it,” Ben said half-heartedly. “I need to finish with the cucumber. Zach’s already done.”

Vic turned him around, not worried about the half-made salad, and pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly against him. He asked quietly with a gentle touch to Ben’s backside. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Ben said looking at his lover. “Really.”

Vic leaned down and they kissed, ignoring Nelson and Zach, until Zach said, “Hey, Romeo and Juliet. Finish cutting up that cucumber so we can eat.”

Vic grinned down at Ben who smiled in return. With a wink, Vic said, “I love you.”

Ben smiled contentedly and said, “I don’t doubt it.”

“You’d better not ever,” Vic said before kissing him again until they were interrupted by a handful of lettuce smacking against their cheeks.

The End.

Nelson's Library